People's reactions to my weightloss

I've been using keto, intermittent fasting, and exercise to increase my health and fitness levels for about 5 months now.  Over that 5 months I've lost 30 pounds, the first 20 pounds being in the first 2 months and progressively slowing down from there.  I feel great.  I'm happier and more energetic than I've been in years. 

Now I've been getting a variety of reactions from people at my church.  My best friend who's thin herself (in a healthy way), tells me I look healthier every time she sees me.  Other people have told me that I look great or that I look like a teenager.  These are the more positive reactions I've gotten.  I've been gracious in accepting these compliments.

On the other side of things, there's the people who are worried about me.  This week someone asked me if I had a goal I was working toward to fit into my clothes from when I was a teenager and suggested they probably aren't in style any more.  I said I haven't kept them.  There was also in her comment the suggestion that I should stop losing weight.  The truth is my goal being health, I'm open to being whatever weight that means for me.  Weight loss is only a side focus at this point.  Some other people have asked my friend if I'm okay.  And people have had varying levels of concern in their voice when noticing to me that I've lost weight.  I know this is really a reflection of their mentality surounding weightloss and health.

Here's the thing I don't understand.  Why are they more concerned about me losing weight than they are about the obese woman coming each week with growing knee problems?  I'm almost to the bmi and waist measurements that are healthy for a woman my height.  I was just barely into the obese category on the charts before I started and I didn't feel good physically or emotionally.  Now I'm confident, happy and energetic, but people are more worried about me now, than they were when I was obese, sluggish, and depressed.  Why is that?  Really it feels backwards to me.  I love them, but wish they'd worry about the people who really should be worried about instead.  The ones who aren't progressing on their journey.

To the ones who've given up on their health journey, or their emotional well-being journey, or their spiritual journey, find your why.  Once you find the why that is powerful enough to move you to action, you can stick to it through years of failed attempts till you find what works for you, and finally see the results you were looking for.  My why is that I want to out live my parents, and I want to be the example of health that my kids will need if they're going to out live me.  I want to be strong enough to be in the presence of God.  I believe It takes a certain level of fitness for a body to withstand such an experience.  I want to live a life that will one day be a story worth telling.  I want to inspire others to better themselves in whatever way they need to, to become and do what God intended for their life.  I want to be physically capable of doing whatever work God needs me to do to build up His kingdom on Earth.  I wasn't building anything when I crashed for an involuntary nap every afternoon. 

What's your "Why"?  Now do the research to figure out the "How."  Experiment with yourself till you find what works and makes you feel good in your life.  Then, when God says, "hey could you ....?"  It won't matter what it is, because you'll be ready to go.

Commandments of Health Really are Spiritual

I got a gym membership with childcare 3 days ago, and have gone twice now (so sore!) and am resting today (a Sunday).  I wanted to get in better shape so I would feel better about how I look, and have better energy and endurance to keep up with my kids.

Yesterday I was listening to something someone shared with me about how to receive a Second Comforter experience, and he talked about keeping the commandments and to keep them you have to search the scriptures to learn them.  A lot of things on this path I've not wanted to do my own research about, but have preferred to read or listen to the research of others.  Some things I have researched for myself (head coverings, early Relief Society) but when it came to a visit with God I didn't want to have to dig through the scriptures (honestly my mission almost ruined the scriptures for me largely due to the lack of freedom about what to study).  This morning my heart was softened, and I repented of this anti-scripture mentality and was going to start searching the old testament commandments.  So I went to Genesis Chapter 1, and a verse or two in after thinking I should remember to look for the "Joseph Smith Translation" footnotes, the Spirit said, "Then you should really start with Moses 1"  And there it is Moses encountering God and being physically exhausted afterwards.  And the Spirit said, "and you want to see God, but a couple little work outs at the gym leave you sore?  Do you really think you are ready for the physical toll of an encounter with God?"  And I remembered another part of the talk/interview I'd listened to he talked about the laws about what to eat having things in common with the word of wisdom, and there being a connection between health and spirituality.  And this was a HUGE "Ah ha" moment for me.  Surely ALL commandments ARE spiritual.  The LDS Church teaches the word of wisdom like a way to live longer, and sometimes that drugs and alcohol can interfere with feeling the influence of the Spirit, but this brings a whole new insight and reason to be healthy.  Joseph Smith was a farmer and they are strong!  And he was tired after encounters with God.  Now, I'll be working out with a completely different motivation than I started with!  If my health has been something preventing the ability to encounter the divine I will do what it takes to regain the physical stamina I once had before having kids.  Let God and your love for Them and your desire to return to Their presence motivate you to gain the physical stamina to be able to withstand such an encounter. 

Grace and Repentance

Sorry for taking such a long break.  I feel like I'm in the process of reinventing myself.  I've changed what religion I identify as, one stage of life is ending and a new one beginning, and the dream I always thought I would be pursuing at this point in my life is not even in the picture and a new dream completely unlike anything I imagined (prior to several months ago) is beginning to take shape.  Anyhow for the past month this blog has been about the last thing on my mind.  But none of this is why you chose to read this post, though it does relate, so I'll show you how God's grace has been transforming my life.

Each Sunday I've been trying something different a while of just staying home trying to figure out the best thing to do as a family without going anywhere.  I've attended random churches, and I think we've found one that's a good fit at least for our current needs as a family right now.  I've realized some interesting contrasts by attending experimentally some other Christian churches, then contrasting it with a chance LDS meeting I went to on a whim.  The other Christian church was focused on the joy and the miracle that is available to us through accepting the atonement of Christ in our lives.  The LDS meeting was about repentance and was full of sorrow, and the hardship of life and the failings of us as humans, and the sorrow of these failings was the focus.  When we make our focus on the negative things in life that will be what our life will be full of.  When our focus is on the positive, the joy of Christ's grace to become a new person, a better person, in Christ we change and repent without realizing it.  We can't white knuckle our way to heaven!  If you have to "white knuckle it" to resist temptation your heart is still set on the thing you are tempted with and not on Christ.  If your heart is set on Christ, He will help you through His grace to become the new person He wants you to be.  I want to be clear grace is not the ability to be forgiven and never have to change anything about yourself.  It is by grace we are saved because we all are sinners and fall short of the glory of God.  But that grace is something we must accept and embrace and allow it to work in our lives, and as we do we literally become a new person.  I'm so completely different as a person than I was six or nine months ago!  It is all by God's grace that I've had the power to transform my life into something different than I ever planned or thought possible. 

I was going to write a separate post about all the life changes that have happened to me lately that distracted me from my writing for over a month.  But I realized as editing these two separate posts that they really are the same thing.  I have been shifting my focus and changing lately, this is what repentance is.  And through the grace of Christ I'm realizing greater purpose and happiness in my life doing things I never thought possible.  The story of my sabbatical from my blog is the story of God's grace being manifest in my life and me taking the time I needed to accept and act upon this gift.

For the last seven and a half years of my life I've been either pregnant or nursing a baby.  As this stage begins to wind down for many reasons, I've been overcome with the desire to make a difference in the world.  I even wept one night talking to my husband about this desire it was so strong, but without any clear direction.  I want to do something beyond raising children who will have the skills to make a difference in their world.  Don't get me wrong, I believe motherhood to be extremely important and I love it, but I also believe my example of how I use my time and what I do to change my world will also make me a better mother and motivate my children to find their niche to impact the world for the better as well.  I once thought that when this phase of life came along I would start offering private art lessons, perhaps to home school kids.  But there just isn't a demand for this, especially with the advancing pace of technology.  My skills are obsolete.  Now I've made the bold decision to become a lapidary (one who carves and polishes stone sometimes for jewelry, sometimes larger works like spheres, or small sculptures).  Thank goodness for youtube training videos!  I'm trying to settle into my new identities.  And I am full of happiness with this choice.  When I got just a few supplies and started working I knew this was the right path for me.

Hopefully as these aspects of life settle down a bit I should be able to write posts a little more regularly.  How has God's grace manifest in your life?  If you are resisting change that God wants for you, you are essentially rejecting His grace and Christ's atonement.  Embrace his love and his grace and let your life take the beautiful shape He has in store for you.  It is likely better than anything you could dream up for yourself.  May God's grace manifest in your life journey too.

Helping your inner child

The next morning after my session I decided to check on my inner child in my meditation and see how she was doing.  The cage was still gone, but she had been left in an empty lonely place.  I pictured the perfect big climbing tree (I loved climbing trees as a child.) and then in the tree I build her a treehouse.  It had paints for her to paint the walls with, and a corner with fluffy pillows and blankets she could curl up in to rest or read a book.  I build a door in the roof so she could climb high in the tree when she wants, and gave her a telescope to look out around her and watch for any signs of danger.  But it wasn't complete.  Then I remembered a two story treehouse my husband told me about that he had as a kid.  So I built her a lower level on the ground too.  This one had a bookshelf with all her favorite books and a cumfy chair to read them in.  Then I realized she needed help feeling safe to be able to relax to read or paint and enjoy herself.  So I gave her a cat to sense when something is amiss and warn her and then she can climb up to see what is wrong with her telescope.  The cat can also be her friend and keep her company while I'm busy.  Now it is complete.  It is the kind of place I longed for as a child with four sibblings.  I never had a place I could consider my own where I could go to decompress when I was overstimulated.  Now she has the place I so badly needed when I was young.

What does your inner child need to feel safe and happy?  What did you always wish you had as a child?  What place did you wish to go?  Give it to your inner child now.  It's never too late for healing.

"Neither Borrower, nor Lender be..."

So I decided that for my own peace of mind and security I would stop letting me and my husband make excuses and finally learn how to live on a budget.  I talked to my sister knowing she would be supportive, and knowing she and her husband have always been on a budget and know how to do it.  I got encouragement, and Dave Ramsey advice and ultimately enrolled online in Financial Peace University.  So after watching the first three classes I sat down to make a budget.  We had saved our receipts for a month and I sat down looked at my pile of receipts and just started crying.  Then I wondered what was wrong with me.  I hadn't even really gotten started yet.

I reached out for help, certain, after an evening's reflection, that this was related to negative financial beliefs and emotions I had emphatically picked up from my parents as a child.  I got a call from a woman who mentors professionally, and would give me a free first session.  We started with some questions. What were my beliefs?  One was that no matter how hard we try we just can't get out of debt.  How did that make me feel?  Like I'm in bondage to our creditors.  What feelings did this bring up?  Powerlessness. ...  It's just not possible.  Word association...I forget what it was but I came up with a cage.  I pictured the cage.  Am I inside it?  No my inner child is inside the cage, I am an observer.  Ask her if you can help her get out.  She doesn't know.  She doesn't understand how she got here or how to get out or who can help her.  That's okay.  She's only a child, she doesn't understand.  Do you know how to free her?  I can't.  I don't know how.  You need a hero to help you.  You can choose whoever you want.  I choose Christ.  Christ comes down in a beam of light overpowering the darkness where me and my inner child have been.  He holds and comforts me.  He places a key in my hand and we unlock and then lift the cage together off my inner child and it dissolves into light.  She runs to Christ and He picks her up.  He tells her He loves her, she can trust me, I can keep her safe, and she has a mission to fulfill helping others.   He then talks to me handing her over to my care, reassuring me that I can trust myself and that the gifts He has blessed me with have a purpose.  Through trust in Him I can feel secure even while in the bondage of our debts.

Next there are the ties to my mother to deal with.  There is one of light between our hearts but there are a few of darkness to other places that cause fear of things that were her problems becoming my problems too.  I cut only the dark ones with scissors and hand them to Christ and he heals them and dissolves them into light.  What do I want to send to my mother?  Forgiveness, Love, Reassurance that severing the dark cords doesn't mean I'll sever the light ones, in fact the absence of dark ones tainting our relationship makes the light one even stronger.

I was full of peace when it was done.  I honestly believe we can get through our troubles and I can feel secure and have great relationships with God and my husband even as we are trying to get out of debt and build a better future for ourselves.  I began the session without hope for the future, but I ended full of not only hope but confidence in the future, myself, and Christ to overcome these challenges and fulfill the mission God has for me to impact the world around me for good.


Financial healing takes healing of the emotions behind the financial problems.  It is all inter-related and not one aspect can be ignored.  I love you.  May God bless you in your journey of healing too. 

The Truth About Relief Society Part 3: The Teachings of the Modern LDS Church

If you haven't first read Part 1 and Part 2, I recommend reading them first.  Part 2 will be directly referenced throughout Part 3.

In Daughters in My Kingdom, an LDS Church publication about the history of Relief Society, it talks about the founding of Relief Society and about Joseph Smith teaching the sisters it says, "The Prophet's teachings in this setting guided the work of the Relief Society sisters and the priesthood leaders who served them.  Those teachings continue to influence the work of the Church today."  (Daughters in My Kingdom, p. 17)  The purpose of this part is to analyze the truthfulness of this claim and see just how much Joseph Smith's teachings really influence us today.

 Gifts of the Spirit

We saw in Part 2 Joseph Smith teaching about the gifts of the Spirit coming straight from 1 Corinthians 12, and then expounding on it teaching all believers would manifest one or more of these gifts and the women were included.  And the gifts were tongues, the interpretation of tongues, prophesy, knowledge, wisdom, healing, and being healed.  But what are we taught in General Conference about spiritual gifts?

In "Life's Lessons Learned" by Joseph Wirthlin, he talks briefly in passing about the gifts of the Spirit, "We all possess spiritual gifts. Some are blessed with the gift of faith, others the gift of healing. In the body of the Church, all of the spiritual gifts are present. In my case, perhaps one of the spiritual gifts for which I am most grateful is that I have been blessed with an obedient spirit. When I heard wise counsel from my parents or Church leaders, I listened and tried to make it part of my thoughts and actions.

"Brethren of the priesthood, I urge you to cultivate the gift of an obedient spirit."An obedient spirit has never been referenced in the scriptures as a spiritual gift.  Obedience is a personal choice, and more of a character attribute than it is a gift of the Spirit.

In his talk "Eyes to See and Ears to Hear" Kim Clark talks about spiritual gifts and even the day of Pentecost in the New Testament.  "Just before His suffering in Gethsemane and on Calvary, Jesus made His disciples this remarkable promise: 'He that believeth on me, the works that I do shall he do also; and greater works than these shall he do; because I go unto my Father.^'

"Jesus fulfilled that promise: beginning with the day of Pentecost, the disciples were blessed with the baptism of fire and of the Holy Ghost. Through their faith in Christ, repentance, and obedience, the Holy Ghost became their companion, changed their hearts, and blessed them with an abiding witness of the truth.

"These gifts and blessings strengthened the Lord’s disciples. Although the times they lived in were dangerous and confusing, they received the spiritual gift of eyes to see and ears to hear."  In actuality the day of Pentecost was accompanied by much more than "eyes to see and ears to hear."  It was an outpouring of the Spirit in which the apostles saw visions, and spoke in tongues and those listening through the interpretation of tongues each heard them in their own language.  Yes, in one sense this can be called "eyes to see and ears to hear" as the things they saw and heard were spiritual and only able to be seen and heard if one had the necessary gifts of the Spirit to do so.  As he continues it is obvious he doesn't mean for us to think we can receive the same visions and tongues and the interpretations, no he only thinks, "We need eyes to see more clearly the Savior working in our lives and ears to hear His voice more deeply in our hearts."  And while I agree with this statement I don't consider it to be the same in any way as the gifts of the Spirit and certainly not on par with or greater than the works of Christ as He promised His apostles.

Really it's hard to find many sources in modern teachings about spiritual gifts.  Some talks mention them in passing saying to seek them, but really not much if anything about what they are, or how to use them, or what each one should be used for.  The spiritual gifts found in the scriptures is just not expounded on because it is such a rare occurrence in the LDS Church for someone to actually have any of them, so if we talked about them and brought them to attention we would have to face the reality these gifts Christ promised to those who believe in Him are for the most part absent among us.  I would think that within each ward there would be at least one holding each gift so we could benefit one from another, but in all the several wards I've been in I have never heard of even one person who had and openly exercised their gift to benefit the ward.  Healing blessings I would receive would really be prayers for the doctor to do a good job.

Keys and Guarding Against Corruption in the Church

To quickly recap, Joseph Smith taught the sisters that both the Relief Society and the Church had the keys and that there were aspiring elders who had already led to corruption within the Church and warned them to guard against such things within their Society.  While a search for Spiritual Gifts conference talks generates about two and a half pages of results, a search for keys generates ten pages of talk titles to sort through. 

Spencer Kimball in his talk, "We Thank Thee, O God, for a Prophet" declared the comfort we should receive from this quote from Wilford Woodruff, "I say to Israel, the Lord will never permit me or any other man who stands as president of this Church to lead you astray. It is not in the program. It is not in the mind of God. If I were to attempt that the Lord would remove me out of my place, and so he will any other man who attempts to lead the children of men astray from his oracles of God and from their duty."  So not only is there no possibility of corruption but once someone gains the position of leading the Church they lose their agency and are incapable of leading the Church astray.  Many other bloggers have written about this topic so I will recommend you to them.

Searching for general conference talks about corruption results in talks referencing the evils and corruption that is in the world, never within the church or even warning to watch for it.  It simply isn't considered a possibility, or at least not one they want us to be aware of.  But they are more than happy to preach about the keys, and the fact that they are the only ones who have them.

Seeking the Presence of God

Joseph Smith taught the sisters that as they would be faithful they would receive angels, Christ and ultimately come to the presence of the Father all in this life.  It was clear he was talking about now and not some hypothetical or distant future.  Jörg Klebingat in his talk, "Approaching the Throne of God with Confidence" (I actually had hope reading the title.) expounds much more on how to have confidence than he does about approaching the throne of God.  In fact the only time he really talks about being in the presence of Christ or God is as a hypothetical question in his introduction and in his testimony at the end saying, "I testify of a loving Savior who is anxious for your 'confidence [to] wax strong in the presence of God.'"  Instead the body of his talk was about things like taking spiritual responsibility, exercise and eating right, embracing obedience, getting good at repenting and forgiving, and accepting trials as a part of mortality.  All of these things are great, but he neglected to tell us how they will aid us in approaching the throne of God, aside from having more confidence.     All other references I found were either about being in God's presence after the resurrection, or leaving it because of the Fall of Adam.  We no longer teach it as a possibility within this life.

So all these topics taught by Joseph Smith are largely ignored, set aside, or outright contradicted in the LDS Church's current teachings.  I could have done more research to collect more sources, but I found no joy, or light in the things I found and prefer going back to sources of light.  So Part 4 will resume teachings of Joseph Smith to the Relief Society in Navoo.

The Truth about Relief Society Part 2: Joseph Smith's Teachings

If you haven't already read Part 1 I recommend reading it first.

Joseph Smith's Teachings From the 6th Meeting

In the sixth meeting of the Female Relief Society of Navoo, Joseph Smith wished to address the sisters, but before doing so "That as his instructions were intended only for the Society; he requested that a vote should be taken on those present who were not members to ascertain whether they should be admitted." (JSP Navoo Relief Society Minute Book p. 34)  Some sisters were given a "no" vote and before proceeding with the meeting a committee was appointed to inquire about the objections. The committee returned at the end of the meeting to present their results and the objections against one of the women was removed. (ibid p. 41) (This could be examined too in relation to how "no" votes are handled now, but for that discussion I will just direct you here as the purpose of this post is only the topic of Relief Society.)  Joseph Smith wanting this teaching to only be for the Relief Society sisters, shows both the seriousness of the topic and a certain amount of what was going on in the church at the time as you will see.

In just the previous meeting one sister spoke in tongues, followed by a sister who interpreted, and one who prophesied, and after the conclusion of the meeting two sisters administered to one who was sick and healed her. (ibid p. 32-33)  Reports of this meeting came to Joseph and so he chose to address the sisters at the following meeting.  He taught from Corinthians about the gifts of the Spirit.  "He said the reason of these remarks being made, was, that some little thing was circulating in the Society, that some persons were not going right in laying hands on the sick etc.  Said if he had common sympathies, would rejoice that the sick could be healed." (ibid p. 35-36)  He continued on "no matter who believeth; these signs, such as healing the sick, casting out devils etc. should follow all that believe whether male or female.  He asked the Society if they could not see by this sweeping stroke, that wherein they are ordained, it is the privilege of those set apart to administer in that authority which is confired on them -- and if the sisters should have faith to heal the sick, let all hold their tongues, and let everything roll on." [emphasis added] (ibid p. 36)  Today in the Ordain Women movement women are only asking for what Joseph Smith gave them in the first place, and they are being excommunicated for doing so.  Joseph Smith continued to teach the sisters, "Respecting the female laying on hands, he remarked, there could be no devil in it if God gave His sanction by healing -- that there could be no more sin in any female laying hands on the sick than with wetting the face with water -- that it is no sin for anybody to do it that has faith, or if the sick has faith to be healed by the administration." (ibid p. 36)  He cautioned the sisters about speaking in tongues "If any have a matter to reveal let it be in your own tongue. Do not indulge too much in the gift of tongues, or the devil will take advantage of the innocent.  You may speak in tongues for your comfort but I lay this down for a rule that if any thing is taught by the gift of tongues it is not to be received for doctrine." (ibid p. 40-41) Joseph Smith taught the sisters in his day they had the same power to do the the same things as the men, because these were Spiritual Gifts that all who believe have access to.  And the spiritual gifts he spoke of were those found in the scriptures namely tongues, the interpretation of tongues, prophesy, knowledge, wisdom, healing, and being healed.

He next taught them about maintaining their proper place and order within their Society.  "President Smith continued by speaking of the difficulties he had to surmount ever since the commencement of the work in consequence of aspiring men 'big great Elders' as he called them, who had caused him much trouble, whom he had taught in private counsel and they would go forth into the world and proclaim the things he had taught them; as their own revelations -- Said the same aspiring disposition will be in this Society, and must be guarded against -- that every person should stand and act in the place appointed, and thus sanctify the Society and get it pure" He then spoke about not having long and not having many opportunities to teach them, "He spoke of delivering the keys to this Society and to the church." [emphasis added] (ibid p.37) If Emma and her counselors held keys as the leaders of the Relief Society they had just as much a claim to the continued line of authority as did the 12 apostles according to this quote.  And in the context of the church being plagued with aspiring men who had their own goals and not the welfare of the church in mind, the claim of these three sisters' authority might even be more legitimate.  "He said if one member becomes corrupt and you know it; you must immediately put it away.  The sympathies of the heads of the church have induced them to bare with those that were corrupt; in consequence of which all become contaminated --" (ibid p. 38)  No wonder Emma chose not to go west following after men her own husband admitted were corrupt and contaminated. This teaching to the sisters of the church shows that the leaders of the church were already embarking on the road to apostasy, and not only was it very possible for the church to be led astray it was something to very carefully be guarded against.

Joseph Smith also taught of the urgency and importance of doing good and seeking a relationship with God.  "If you do right, no danger of going too fast: he said he did not care how fast we run in the path of virtue.  Resist evil and there is no danger."  When after speaking of their gift for charity some quote often used in the church he continues with things you will never hear at church, "if you live up to your privilege, angels can not be restrained from being your associates -- females if they are pure and innocent can come into the presence of God; you must be innocent or you cannot come up before God.  If we would come before God let us be pure ourselves.  The Devil has great power -- he will so transform things as to make one gape at those who are doing the will of God -- you need not be tearing for their deeds, but let the weight of innocence be felt; which is more mighty than a millstone hung about the neck.  Not war, not jangle, not contradiction, but meekness, love, purity, these are the things that should magnify us. ... iniquity must be purged out -- then the veil will be rent and the blessings of heaven will flow down." (ibid p. 38)  Joseph Smith believed it was possible and wanted the sisters to come into the literal presence of God in this life.  It was something for them to strive for and seek.

Part 3 will contrast these teachings with what the LDS church teaches today.

Auras, Energy Fields, Their differences, Energy healing and what exactly it does

(A post I wrote back in January and some how thought I published when I hadn't)

So, here is what I have come to know, and how it influences my outlook on energy healing. First we consist of a body and a spirit. Both of these are in human form, and the spirit resides inside our body and makes us alive. The body has an energy field or electro-magnetic field closely surrounding it. A youtube video I watched about how to learn to see auras was really about how to see the energy field. The energy field also has meridians within the body that allow the energy to flow, and chakras that sort of pool and collect certain energies. These chakras should be regularly cleared of any negative emotions which have gotten stuck there. The chakras also sort of bridge and connect your body and spirit together.

The aura (for lack of a better word to call it to distinguish it from the energy field) is part of our spiritual side of our being and is much more complex than our energy field. It can move as we will it to. It connects us with the Holy Ghost, and it can protect us from evil spirits as we strengthen it. No person can access it without our permission. I heard of someone who had the spiritual gift of seeing auras, and she could not just see some energy surrounding their body, she also saw things they were interested in, their talents and hobbies sort of floating around them. An energy healer can use their own aura to assist their energy field in their work, but it is only to access the client's energy field.

Energy healing is to help people clear emotional energy that got stuck in a meridian or chakra or sometimes in other places in the body. These emotions can be resentments we don't want to let go or that we don't know how to let go, or bad paradigms we learned when we were young particularly about yourself. Many suffer from beliefs about themselves they just don't know how to overcome. That they are unlovable, or unimportant, or failures. These beliefs become self-fulfilling prophesies as situations they are in they will subconsciously sabotage, till it fits their paradigms and proves them right. Energy healing helps to locate and then allow the good energy to flow again.  

There are multiple modes of energy healing from things as simple as kissing boo-boos to modes as complex as accupuncture.  Some are more geared toward physical ailments, and some are more geared towards emotional ones.  Often physical ailments can have emotional causes, so the two will be interrelated.  A massage therapist who also talks you through releasing a stress so that they can get a stubborn knot out.   Or a counseling session that ends up through emotional healing inadvertantly healing some physical ailment that has been bothering you for years.

The Truth about Relief Society Part 1: The Founding and Origional Organization

My experience that prompted this post

You never know how little authority women in the church have till you are called to a position in which you think you can do something meaningful, just to find out you can't even plan a single topic without permission from a man.  We take such pride in saying Relief Society is the oldest women's organization in the world, but how is it a women's organization if we have to get permission from a man who isn't part of said organization to do anything within it?  To me this doesn't make any sense at all.  I wouldn't mind if women never get the priesthood, but can we at least get control over our own organization again? The High Priests, and Elders can organize their own activities, extend their own callings and fulfill their responsibilities all on their own.  Why should the women need the oversight and supervision of the Bishop to do the same things?  We are treated not like equals but like children.  We don't want the priesthood so we can be Bishops, or Elders (at least most that I know of).  Men can have those callings, we just want the freedom to do what we like within our own organization.  In attempting to plan a gathering outside of normal Sunday services I have to get permission for the topic AND the teacher of the topic.  Apparently this control over the women has been going on for well over 60 years.

So what was Relief Society when it was founded?  Let's look at what Relief Society was when organized by Joseph Smith.  With the Joseph Smith Papers we can go straight to the source and read about the organization of Relief Society straigh from their own meeting minutes:

"President Smith further remarked that an organization to show them how to go to work would be sufficient. He proposed that the Sisters choose a presiding officer to preside over them, and let the presiding officer choose two counselors to assist in the duties of her office -- that he would ordain them to preside over the Society -- and let them preside just as the Presidency presides over the church and if they need instruction -- ask him, he will give it from time to time." [emphasis added] (JSP Nauvoo Relief Society Minute Book p.7-8)

Notice the women choose the leader, and she chooses counselors, all Joseph did is propose the organization and ordain the women they chose to lead them. They can ask him for instruction but he did not mandate anything in the form of policies or anything else, a Constitution was all up to them to create for themselves.

"If any Officers are wanted to carry out the designs of the Institution, let them be appointed and set apart, as Deacons, Teachers, etc. are among us. . . .

"He then suggested the propriety of electing a Presidency to continue in office during good behavior, or so long as they shall continue to fill the office with dignity etc. like the first Presidency of the Church.

"Motioned by Sister Whitney and seconded by Sister Packard that Mrs. Emma Smith be chosen President -- Passed unanimously --" (ibid p.8)

The ONLY role of the priesthood in Relief Society was to ordain the women to offices within the Society, not even to propose or vote on who those sisters should be!!!  Joseph Smith did not call Emma to be the first President of Relief Society, the sisters did by common consent.  Relief Society had it's own funds, and it's own treasurer, and was not dependent on the Church for it's financial means to carry out it's purposes.  Joseph Smith gave the first donation of $5, and after the minutes of each meeting a record was kept of donations including who gave and the amount.  The men present for the initial organization and naming of the Society withdrew before the choice of secretaries and treasurer were made.  (ibid p. 13)

Sisters who wanted to join the Female Relief Society of Navoo had to apply and their membership be voted on by common conent of those who already belonged (this is an action at the begining of each meeting, the sustaining of new members), just as men admitted to the priesthood are sustained by common consent then and still today.  Every meeting (except one when Joseph Smith thought they were growing too fast) started with the sustaining of new members, and a list of those who were added to the Society.  Early meetings talked about the importance of avoiding evil, and in the third meeting Joseph Smith said, "none should be received into the Society but those who were worthy -- proposed that the Society go into a close examination of every candidate." (ibid p. 22)  Much of this responsibility fell to Emma.  

What has Changed?

Today the men decide who will be in various positions in Relief Society and the men decide how much money from church funds can be used by the Relief Society, the men decide what topics we can teach and when and who can teach them. Voting on new members who wish to join has been done away now and any female member of the church over the age of 18 is automatically a member of Reilief Society. We don't make our own lessons, and we don't have our own funds to administer relief with.  Really we don't do any administering relief any more.  We do some service to those who need it from time to time, but most of our ability to give relief has been crippled by the church burocracy (speaking from my own experience and observation).  We instead create our own new organizations (like the Liahona Children's Foundation) separate from the church when we find a need of relief because we can't give relief in Relief Society any more.

Continue to Part 2

"In all thy ways acknowledge Him and He will direct thy path."

I realize I've taken a fairly long break from writing here.  Sorry for my lengthy absence, life has been a little on the crazy side lately.

I've been thinking about starting a busniess, but wasn't sure what kind I want.  I'd been thinking about many different modes of natural healing, and with each one the investment of time and money to learn it never felt worth it to me. With each one something was holding me back.  In my heart I'm an artist.  I'm also extremely introverted, and many of these modes of healing were not true to all the gifts God has given me.  But when I thought about art it just doesn't seem to be true to my healing, empathic side.  Then I got the idea of carving and polishing crystals.  Now that's a job that can't just be done by a 3D printer!  And it's the perfect combination of healing and art.  I got some sandpaper, and started polishing a mostly flat side of a raw quartz I had, and I was just so full of joy!  That was when I knew THIS is my path.  It will likely take a year or two save the money to get all the supplies I will need, but I'm so grateful I didn't waste money investing in something that I would have eventually found to be the wrong fit for me and my family (just to start over again with something else).

The timing couldn't be better for me to find my life mission.  My youngest is now over a year old, and my husband graduates college in a couple months.  I can start learning about the business side and any skills I still lack in working with stone while I save the money needed to invest in supplies and raw stones.  Everything in my life feels like it has been working together to get me to this point.  I'll be able to photograph my work, having already studied photography.  I've already worked with carving stone.  My husband has experience selling things online...though it was Ebay and not Etsy which is what I think I will use.  The only thing I lack is the business experience which would be the case no matter what kind of business I would have chosen.  And it's something I can easily do here and there between meeting the needs of my family.  A crystal I can set down to talk to my kids.  A client would think me unprofessional if my family's needs interupted a session.  Thank you, Lord, for directing my path to bring me to where I am today!

"Whoso is looked upon to be lusted after....no wait...That's not right...

I've recently discovered some things about my past, and beliefs about myself that caused physical problems as I was growing from a girl to a woman.  There are some things that are fundamentally wrong about the way the church I grew up in taught modesty. (For example the end of this.) I was taught modesty to such a standard that if a boy or man looked at me and was aroused I was pornography, and it caused serious psychological, and emotional damage.

When men put the blame for their thoughts on women the message it sends us is that our very identity as women is something to be ashamed of. For me growing up it meant guys couldn't be trusted.  If I was the one responsible to keep their thoughts pure clearly they had no self-control.  As I began growing into a woman I grew my hair long and always wore it down to try to hide my developing chest behind it. I was often distracted by my own endeavors to NOT be porn. I felt that growing from a girl to a woman was something to fear and be ashamed of. Then all the while thinking I must be exceptionally ugly because I never went on any dates. This is what these ideas do to women. It teaches them that they need to hide who they are and can't even embrace the shape their body takes (which they don't even have control over) because our shape is evil and turns us into porn if a man chooses to look at us wrong. If guys have a right to not be distracted by girls, shouldn't girls also have a right to not be distracted by whether or not they have sufficiently concealed their identity as growing women? (I ask this more rhetorically.  Really neither is a right, both are a choice.)  Men have no idea how hurtful and damaging this mentality and message really is. The rare occurrence that I might receive a cat call meant I had failed in my attempts to be invisible and had become porn and was therefore evil. Not because of anything I had done, but because a man had chosen to acknowledge my presence in an inappropriate manner. Teenage years are hard enough for girls without putting these extra burdens on them. There was essentially no win for me because I was only judging my self worth by what boys thought of me, and there was no room for them to think anything good.  I was either ugly or I was porn.  My interpretation of the teachings I received about modesty allowed for nothing else.  I was taught no other ideas with which I could decide my own philosophy about modesty.  There was no middle ground in which I could be acknowledged to have beauty without being an evil temptress.  Our girls deserve so much better than this.

(If you get squeamish about women's monthly cyclical nature you might want to skip this paragraph.)  So as a teenager I put tons of emotional energy into fighting my own womanhood.  This negative energy manifested in debilitating cramps every month throughout my period, and sometimes being sick too.  My mother was so awkward too, that I had no clue what was going on with my body.  It took a good couple years before I even connected the two events (my periods, and the debilitating cramps that accompanied them).  I thought I would just lay an egg roughly the diameter of a hair. I hadn't a clue why I was bleeding and cramping, it was just a topic we weren't to talk about.  Now I've embraced my womanhood and the four babies I've miraculously brought into this world and then nourished with sustenance created by my own body, and remarkably enough my periods are very mild in nature now.  I'm still working on healing and validating my feminine side, but I'm far better off than I was before I had children.  I actually know now what is happening with my body and I work with it rather than against it. By teaching girls that womanhood is shameful we cause the majority of problems girls have as they grow and develop into women.  Instead I think girls wouldn't have such hard periods if we taught them that womanhood is a beautiful, wonderful, and miraculous thing that should be celebrated.

The messages we tell our sons and daughters matter very much.  Our sons and daughters are responsible for their own thoughts and actions, and teaching them that girls are porn if not dressed properly is an abusive lie with all kinds of damages it can do to the minds, hearts, and bodies of our boys and girls as they try to navigate their already difficult transition to adulthood.  By teaching the boys that girls are porn we teach them to have anger and resentment toward every girl who they think is not sufficiently covered to prevent an improper thought. Instead we should teach them to control their thoughts and to treat women respectfully regardless of what they are wearing. (demonstrated here) We have been teaching them to judge women based on their appearances, and not their character.  Our emphasis on appearance is in complete contradiction with scripture.  For more about that I recommend this post.  If we flipped this over and said this about men it would sound ridiculous as demonstrated by this brilliant satire.  Christ taught, "But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart." (Mathew 5:28).  It is the responsibility of each person to control their own thoughts, and there is a definite difference between appretiating beauty or attractiveness, and lusting after someone.  Perhaps if we taught this difference more instead of being so focused on woman=porn maybe boys could look at a woman without thinking about porn.  We condition them to think this way by focusing so much on the negative and not giving any teaching on how they SHOULD look at a woman.  Let's teach our boys how to look at a woman as a daughter of Heavenly Parents who made her beautiful just the way she is.

American culture has become a culture of shame, and that's what needs to stop. We shame women for being attractive, we shame men for looking at them, we shame drug addicts for having an addiction, we shame parents for making informed choices about their children instead of blindly following experts. There isn't anyone void of the shame American culture tries to put on them. Why can't we all just leave it behind and love one another as people? For claiming to be Christian we sure lack the love He preached.  A woman should be able to be beautiful without being objectified or slut-shamed.  A man should be able to look at her as a person and give an appropriate, respectful compliment without her fearing sexual assault.  We need to learn as a people to treat each other as people. Girls and women are not porn, they are human beings, and should be loved and respected as such.  To teach that they become porn when not dressed properly dehumanizes and objectifies them, and is no where near what Christ taught or what is in scripture.  If our goal as Christians is to be like Him and follow His example then we need to let go of the focus on outward appearances and start looking into each other's hearts, but since we lack the divine ability to know someone's heart immediately upon looking at them, this would involve talking to one another and actually getting to know one another's hearts, and withholding judgment about their current character until we have.  May we all increase in love toward one another as we seek a better way, even His way.  I love you.  I hope my experience can help others heal from this abuse.  Good luck and may God be with you on your healing journey too.

"Love thy neighbor as thyself..."

Some time ago, my husband went to bed early, and I had time to myself in the evening.  I finished reading a chapter from the book Feelings Buried Alive Never Die.  It talked about love and the power love has to heal and to cast off fear.  And so loving oneself is important to being able to heal.  Also loving the situation you are in so you will be open to learning what you need to to be able to grow and improve your situation.  The book obviously expresses it better and more extensively.
I was very inspired, and decided to meditate to open my chakras and pray before bed. I was almost immediately able to feel the energy flowing through me.  I still went through each chakra. It was the most relaxing and rejuvenating evening I'd had for a while, and it reminded me how good it feels to really take time for myself.

 Now I'm much further in the book and have seen the power of the healing tool it gives you.  I remember while going to therapy for depression it seemed no matter how many times I told myself I loved myself I just couldn't seem to get myself to FEEL it.  All positive affirmations just felt like lies to me.  They did nothing.  I could think I matter and my needs matter, but however hard I tried it seemed my feelings just didn't believe me.  It took years of therapy to convince myself that my needs do matter, though I still thought they didn't matter as much as everyone else's.  Now it's been a good couple weeks since I first used the tool to teach myself to love myself, and to believe that I and my needs matter.  The changes have been subtle (likely because I had already been working on these things for years.) but I take the time drink water when I'm thirsty, I remember to take my vitamins, I've started eating fruits and vegetables again and I've managed to create a healthier balance between caring for and meeting the needs of my family, and meeting my own needs.  So far it has been better than the ways therapy worked.  I would discover a problem and it would take the next 6 months to a year to try to work through it, white-knuckling it and trying to just tell myself to feel better already, just to relapse again with the next fluctuation in my hormones. This feels like the real healing I'd been seeking all that time.

As always good luck on your journey.  I can't recommend this book enough.  It has been a total game changer for me, and for others I've used it to help as well.  More than anything we need more people to love themselves so they can better feel God's love and extend it to others.  We are to love our neighbor as our self, but are a society of people who don't even love ourselves.  As we learn to love ourselves our capacity to love other greatly increases.  As we each choose to heal ourselves we then will be able to heal our communities, states, and countries.  The answer to all the problems in politics isn't in who we elect.  (When I see a candidate actually sincerely love people I might start to care about politics again.)  It starts within ourselves.  Love yourself, then turn around and love your neighbor, and when you do you won't be able to help but want to help him out.  This is how God works.  Let us start within ourselves first.

"Thy faith hath made thee whole..."

I had the most amazing day yesterday.  I had felt my progress stop some time ago, which is why I haven't written for a while.  There just wasn't anything worth writing about. I was stagnating and I hated it.  Well, I was finally able to afford an online class for empaths, and it's a three part class and I was so hungry for knowledge I listened to the whole first section yesterday.  After my kids went to bed I filled my time with prayer and meditation and some journal writing.  It was the most wonderful evening I've had for some time.  I had been in a state that I wanted so much to help others I was impatient with my own progress and as a result my progress stopped.  I just wanted to get my stuff over with so I could hurry up and help others already.  Now I'm willing to be more patient with myself and take all the time I need for my own healing and personal growth.  I am my only responsibility.  Other people are responsible for themselves.  I can only control myself and my own progress.  I can give advice, or tell people things that have helped me but they must then make their own choice to use it to improve themselves.

I talked to my mother who has been afraid to embrace positive qualities and light because my dad is rather negative, and she'd heard that as you embrace positive qualities negative people kind of just leave your life, and you become surrounded by other similarly positive people.  She feared her husband leaving if she decides to embrace positive feelings and thoughts.  I reminded her that love is the most positive energy of all and as long as there is love in her marriage he will choose to embrace light with her rather than leave so he can stay negative.  Our own well being shouldn't be put on hold because we fear losing someone we love who is not necessarily on the same path.  Our paths do not have to be identicle just to have a good marriage, but it helps if they are going in the same general direction.

My husband got home late after a very stressful day at work.  His shoulders were tight and in pain.  He had worked 4 hours on just one sale.  He made mistakes and had to redo things.  He had about everything go wrong that could except for having very patient customers through the process.  I gave him a massage and talked to him about first releasing his stress each time he exhaled.  Then we talked about everything about the experience that he could feel gratitude for.  The customers were patient.  He now knows everything about selling that particular product having done and redone it several times to get it right.  He had had the choice to go home earlier but chose to stay to learn closing procedures, and the other lady working had other customers to help while he handled this complicated sale, and had he gone home she would have been there alone to deal with all of it herself.  (In the end he didn't get to learn closing procedures because the sale took till well after close.)  He earned some good commission we could certainly use.  When I was ready to go to bed he said it was more than just the massage that helped him, and his back and sholders felt completely better and relaxed.  All the pain was gone and he took no medications for it.

In the end I'm full of gratitude that I finally understand my role in healing others, and it is really one of guiding and empowering them with the ability to choose to heal themselves.  Which reminds me of stories of Christ in which He always said it was their faith that made them whole.  I'm begining to understand.  I really don't do anything.  My mother chose whether or not to embrace what I told her as truth or whether she wanted to continue in fear.  My husband chose whether he wanted to embrace stress or gratitude for what happened at work.  Ultimately it was their choice to heal themselves, and mine to heal me.  May God bless you on your journey of healing too.

"Whosoever is angry with his brother shall be in danger of his judgment..."

Learning to conquer my own emotions has been a challenge lately.  My four year old son loves to make piles of things.  And these messes have been a HUGE trigger for me.  Yesterday he emptied all the drawers of the dresser he shares with his brother and sister.  I was so mad it took a lot of energy just to control myself.  He had even taken out the drawers themselves.  Every time I entered the room I was filled with rage at how messy it was and what a huge job cleaning and reorganizing it would be.  I knew I had to overcome these feelings.  I couldn't be productive while I had so much anger, and I would damage my relationship with my son if I gave in to any of the temptations the anger was bringing into my heart.  I yelled and threw things.  I never harmed my son physically, but my outbursts scared him.  I knew I needed to calm down.

I put on some calming heart chakra meditation music, then I used a tapping algorithm for anger, and meditated to clear my chakras.  The next time I entered the bedroom I had no emotion at all and was able to calmly begin working on the problem at hand.  I still have more work to do on it today, but I focused the most on ridding our home of the anger I had felt and filling it with love again.  It has made an amazing difference.  I used to get very emotional about messes in my home.  This habit was damaging to my relationships with my children, and the time wasted being emotional made cleaning them up take much longer than it had to.

Now I think I have tools in place that if I get angry again I can do things right away to rid myself of the anger and be able to really focus on the task at hand.  This is all part of my process of learning my gifts, and healing myself and my home.  I hope to continue to learn how to follow God's command to not be angry, and to love even my enemies, which on certain days seems like my son.  May God bless you on your path toward loving everyone, even your enemies, as well.

"Verily I say unto you that all things unto me are spiritual..."

Today my sister sent me a text asking me to pray for her. She had hurt her back.  She said she could not walk or sit up.  We'd talked about chakras before and after praying for her I sent her a text saying to clear her lower three chakras that are along her back.  After she texted back asking how to do that I decided to call her.  When I called to talk to her she said she had been very angry while doing something in her kitchen. There was a portal in her kitchen, and she twisted her back while reaching down to pick up a shoe of her kids had left on the floor.  As she picked it up she stepped in the portal, and strained her back.  The back pain started when she bent over.  She threw the shoe and then pushed it along the floor with her foot. Afterwards she thought stretching would help her back, so she did some pilates that made it worse.  She had been in so much pain she could not sleep, walk, or sit. Her husband had to take off work and she was lying in bed.

I talked to her about the event, what she had done since (she had gotten two preisthood blessings), and I talked to her about emotional and spiritual problems she was having.  She had closed the portals in her home, but there were more on her property she hadn't had enough energy to do.  She had cast out the associated spirits.  She wasn't angry at her child any more, but was angry at some people in her fellowship group because of problems within the group.  We talked a bit about the need for her to forgive and love them.  She pointed out that she could only control her side of the relationship.  I aknowledged this and emphaised the need for her to take control of her side.  I instructed her first in prayer asking God to help her let go of the anger, forgive, and then have Charity for these people in her life.  After the prayer I led her through a chakra healing meditation session, something I have never done before with anyone.  With each chakra I instructed her to release things I knew specific to her and her situation. When it was over she said she physically was in less pain. By the end of our session she was relaxed enough and the pain was lessened enough to sleep.  I wasn't sure I could actually help her.  I only hoped that I could.  When she told me how much better she felt I was so happy that I had been able to help her despite my huge lack of experience.

She found out later after seeing a chiropractor that she had a comptessed disk, and the associated pulled muscles, which he said is along the same level of pain as a broken rib.  She has gotten through this without going to the hospital or being on pain medication, by using the meditation I taught her.

May God bless you to find whatever healing you need.  If you don't have anyone you think you can ask for help feel free to contact me.