Routine Signs of Love

This blog being about my whole healing journey I thought this an appropriate thing to share here.

I've been married now for 10 years to a man who among other things has OCD, and every night there is this routine of saying "Goodnight, I love you, see you tomorrow."  Always in that order.  Always together.  If we said it at one point then had more pillow talk then either of us said "good night" again the rest of this scripted conversation had to follow.  There were two options for this.  One with alternating speakers:
"Good night"
"Good night"
"I love you."
"I love you too."
"See you tomorrow."
"Okay."
Or he could say all three phrases together in a row and I had to reply with all three phrases in a row:
"Good night. I love you. See you tomorrow."
"Good night.  I love you.  See you tomorrow."
Only recently my husband allowed me the new answer "Okay. Good night. I love you too."  This was actually a huge thing for him allowing me a new answer that felt more natural to me.

This routine was actually very stressful for me.  If I absent mindedly varied from the script we had to start over. Sometimes I'd say "yeah" instead of "okay" and he would be upset by it and we'd start over.  Over time when I'd make this mistake if I corrected it right away he'd let it slide.  A few times in our early marriage I switched it up on purpose, "...see you tomorrow." replied with, "yeah, you will." or some other affirmitive answer outside the script.  This bugged him the most.

Growing up most affection was routine.  Very little was spontaneous.  It was hard for me to tell how sincere these routine affections were:  whether they really meant I was loved or whether they were just done because it is what you do at bed time (or whenever it was routinely occuring) but didn't actually mean anything.  This question of whether routine affection is actually sincere is why I had such a problem with my husband's scripted bed time "good night, I love you, see you tomorrow."  Realizing this for the first time tonight felt like a huge break through for me.  As well as the love languages there's also the question of whether you prefer spontaneous affection or routine affection.  My husband prefers the routines and once I obliged he has been satisfied in our marriage ever since.  I prefer the spontaneous and it doesn't come naturally to him and is harder to remember and make that effort.

Routines can be a way of making sure something happens at all.  I haven't had these bedtime affection routines with my kids because I'd rather show affection spontaneously throughout the day.  But in this busy world you don't always get to do that.  And my daughter is very much routine oriented and affectionate on her own terms kind of girl and between school and her brothers sucking my energy I don't know how much I've shown her I love her.  But just like saying the Shamah every week doesn't make one guilty of using vain repitions using routine affections doesn't make that affection any less sincere.  All this time I've thought myself unlovabe because affection from others hasn't come in the spontaneous ways I prefer.  If I assume all affection to be sincere I've really been loved all along.

Pruning the Rosebush: A Parable

I've lived in this house for three years, and there's a group of rose bushes next to the carport.  These rose bushes weren't neatly pruned when we moved in and I only pruned back a branch here or there if it poked me getting in and out of my car.  Last year these bushes had many flowers.  With the coming of spring this year, as leaves and new buds started showing up, many dead branches sticking up above the new growth became obvious and ugly.  I knew I had to, at least, trim out all the old dead branches.  I had no idea how much that would entail after so many years of neglect, and after getting started it proved to be a much bigger job than I initially thought it would be.

I started with the ones up at the top of the bush and worked my way down, and the more dead branches I removed it seemed I just kept finding more dead branches deeper in the bush.  Some branches were dead all the way down to the bottom cane of the bush and were dried brittle thorny sticks and easy to remove aside from the thorns.  Trying to save the parts of the plants that were still alive while removing dead and withered canes from the middle of these overgrown bushes meant getting poked and scratched by the thorns many times.  Most these scratches didn't hurt much after the initial scratch, but one kept hurting with each movement of my finger, till I looked at it to find the thorn was still stuck in the scratch and I removed it. The thorns also made it harder to get a branch out of the bush after I'd clipped it.  The thorns of the live branches would catch on the thorns of the dead branch I was trying to pull out.  Often I would find where I wanted to cut a branch and I would then have to cut it in several places to get it untangled from the rest of the bush.  Other branches were only dead at the top.  Some canes looked greener than others, and when I followed some brown canes to their branches up higher they eventually did turn green and produce leaves and buds.  After two days of solid work on these bushes I could still see much more that needed work, but our trash bin was completely full of the dead branches I had already pruned away, and the thorns covering the branches prevented me from trying to smash them in tighter.  This forced me to take a break and give my wounded hands a rest.

The pruning of an overgrown rosebush is very difficult.  I decided to watch a video about pruning rosebushes, and it looked so easy, but the man in the video was working with a bush that had obviously been regularly pruned and maintained.  What a contrast it was from the painful experience I was having.

Churches claiming to belong to the scriptural Church of Christ have become overgrown with dead branches that do not serve true followers of Yeshua.  From pagan holidays and traditions of men to the judgments of others based on things that can't be understood without really experiencing it, there are many dead things that need to be pruned out of our hearts, to make room for the life giving unconditional love that needs to grow, if we are ever to become like Christ as his true disciples.  This can be a painful process.  We had a very fun Easter last year with our children, and this year we had a Christ centered Passover.  Passover was a beautiful and enlightening experience that brought me closer to Christ.  I worshiped with Davidic dance, and I fell short of being completely yeast free, but I did my best with a family that wasn't observing kosher rules with me.  It felt surreal walking through stores and seeing things that once made me excited for a coming holiday, which now instead, made me feel distinctly different from the people around me.  I found myself wondering why more people didn't educate themselves about these holidays and choose to replace them with God given Holy Days.  But I was one of them only last year.  My eyes have been opened, and I can't close them again.  Once a dead branch has been found and cut out, it can't come back to life again.  It is time to open our eyes and cut the dead traditions of men out from our hearts.  Make room to be filled with unconditional love, so it can have a place to bloom in your heart.

What you trim first is up to you, and between you and God.  I've been actively trimming false traditions and unbelief for a year and a half now, and would be lying if I said it hasn't been a painful process.  But the joy and beauty that can grow when the dead works are cleared away is well worth the painful process of clearing it out.  Just as Paul, I too have a thorn in my flesh that must be discovered and removed before full healing can occur.  Some traditions have become so entangled it might take multiple cuts to rid ourselves of one false tradition as we find deeper ways it was intertwined with truth and life.  It is a process, and a much longer one than we likely anticipate when we first take it on.  But the good news is that we don't take it on alone.  My children have eagerly helped me in little ways with trimming the dead out of my rosebushes, and likely the efforts of my children could be a parable for my efforts to get rid of unbelief and dead works, and there is an older more experienced gardener doing much of my pruning for me, working on my heart in ways I will only understand when I look back.  What are the dead works you need to prune from your life?  What is your thorn in your flesh?  Who is helping you tend your garden?  There is likely more than one helper.  Take some time to praise the gardeners of your heart today.  Shalom.

The Real Love of Christ and Dreaming Dreams

Wow!  I was talking to my sister about her idea to write a guest post and realized it had been a couple months since I've written.  School started, and we've been bombarded by problems that I won't bore you with, but despite all that I think it time I record the next chapter of my spiritual journey.

I joined a group on Facebook about divine dreams, and at first thought it would be just for fun, but the longer I was there the more I learned about my own gift for dreaming.  I learned the meaning of a significant dream from my childhood and threw myself into seeking learning from God about the direction he wants for my life.  Having found joy in service at a nondenominational church after a while it seemed I'd learned about what they had to offer.  Then I started having dreams that gave me the impression it was time for me to move on somewhere that would offer more and deeper knowledge.  I remembered a woman telling me about a Messianic Jewish Synagogue.  I started feeling the desire to learn more about the Jewish roots of Christianity, after all Christ was himself a Jew and taught Judaism, and while the sacrifice of Christ fulfilled the Law of Moses so there was no more need to sacrifice animals, Jesus being the last "sacrificial lamb", there are other aspects of the law that can and likely should be kept.  In my heart, I feel that learning more about these laws will inform me of more of the nature of God and His character.  I decided to seek out and attend one of these Messianic Jewish Synagogues.

After attending a Friday night service I notified the people I served with at the Christian church I had found.  The contrast between their reaction and the reaction I got from Mormons when I differed with them on some matters of doctrine was so stark it was truly astonishing to me.  The reaction of Mormons had been to gossip, shun, or argue or some combination thereof.  Here, they prayed for me and my family and our journey, told me they would miss me, hugged me, and reminded me I was always welcome.  They accepted and validated my spiritual journey agreeing I had to follow what God had placed in my heart and I felt nothing but love from them.  There was no judgment whatsoever.  I almost couldn't believe it!  Was this what it was like for normal Christians?  They just do what feels right in their own spiritual journey, and allow others to do the same, and just love each other with the love Christ preached?  What an idea!  It was such a refreshing experience I almost rethought my decision.  My kids had fun there, and I could do something more productive if the sermon wasn't a topic that would enrich me.  Last week I couldn't get myself to go because I knew the topic was relating to how to decide who to vote for, and I've already decided and this not being a political blog I'll say no more about that, just that it wasn't how I wanted to spend a Sunday.  Perhaps this next week, or perhaps not, either way I know I am welcome and loved there despite believing things that are not common held beliefs in the congregation.  And with that example of Christlike love I don't think I've met a more Christian bunch of Christians anywhere else!

Grace and Repentance

Sorry for taking such a long break.  I feel like I'm in the process of reinventing myself.  I've changed what religion I identify as, one stage of life is ending and a new one beginning, and the dream I always thought I would be pursuing at this point in my life is not even in the picture and a new dream completely unlike anything I imagined (prior to several months ago) is beginning to take shape.  Anyhow for the past month this blog has been about the last thing on my mind.  But none of this is why you chose to read this post, though it does relate, so I'll show you how God's grace has been transforming my life.

Each Sunday I've been trying something different a while of just staying home trying to figure out the best thing to do as a family without going anywhere.  I've attended random churches, and I think we've found one that's a good fit at least for our current needs as a family right now.  I've realized some interesting contrasts by attending experimentally some other Christian churches, then contrasting it with a chance LDS meeting I went to on a whim.  The other Christian church was focused on the joy and the miracle that is available to us through accepting the atonement of Christ in our lives.  The LDS meeting was about repentance and was full of sorrow, and the hardship of life and the failings of us as humans, and the sorrow of these failings was the focus.  When we make our focus on the negative things in life that will be what our life will be full of.  When our focus is on the positive, the joy of Christ's grace to become a new person, a better person, in Christ we change and repent without realizing it.  We can't white knuckle our way to heaven!  If you have to "white knuckle it" to resist temptation your heart is still set on the thing you are tempted with and not on Christ.  If your heart is set on Christ, He will help you through His grace to become the new person He wants you to be.  I want to be clear grace is not the ability to be forgiven and never have to change anything about yourself.  It is by grace we are saved because we all are sinners and fall short of the glory of God.  But that grace is something we must accept and embrace and allow it to work in our lives, and as we do we literally become a new person.  I'm so completely different as a person than I was six or nine months ago!  It is all by God's grace that I've had the power to transform my life into something different than I ever planned or thought possible. 

I was going to write a separate post about all the life changes that have happened to me lately that distracted me from my writing for over a month.  But I realized as editing these two separate posts that they really are the same thing.  I have been shifting my focus and changing lately, this is what repentance is.  And through the grace of Christ I'm realizing greater purpose and happiness in my life doing things I never thought possible.  The story of my sabbatical from my blog is the story of God's grace being manifest in my life and me taking the time I needed to accept and act upon this gift.

For the last seven and a half years of my life I've been either pregnant or nursing a baby.  As this stage begins to wind down for many reasons, I've been overcome with the desire to make a difference in the world.  I even wept one night talking to my husband about this desire it was so strong, but without any clear direction.  I want to do something beyond raising children who will have the skills to make a difference in their world.  Don't get me wrong, I believe motherhood to be extremely important and I love it, but I also believe my example of how I use my time and what I do to change my world will also make me a better mother and motivate my children to find their niche to impact the world for the better as well.  I once thought that when this phase of life came along I would start offering private art lessons, perhaps to home school kids.  But there just isn't a demand for this, especially with the advancing pace of technology.  My skills are obsolete.  Now I've made the bold decision to become a lapidary (one who carves and polishes stone sometimes for jewelry, sometimes larger works like spheres, or small sculptures).  Thank goodness for youtube training videos!  I'm trying to settle into my new identities.  And I am full of happiness with this choice.  When I got just a few supplies and started working I knew this was the right path for me.

Hopefully as these aspects of life settle down a bit I should be able to write posts a little more regularly.  How has God's grace manifest in your life?  If you are resisting change that God wants for you, you are essentially rejecting His grace and Christ's atonement.  Embrace his love and his grace and let your life take the beautiful shape He has in store for you.  It is likely better than anything you could dream up for yourself.  May God's grace manifest in your life journey too.

"Neither Borrower, nor Lender be..."

So I decided that for my own peace of mind and security I would stop letting me and my husband make excuses and finally learn how to live on a budget.  I talked to my sister knowing she would be supportive, and knowing she and her husband have always been on a budget and know how to do it.  I got encouragement, and Dave Ramsey advice and ultimately enrolled online in Financial Peace University.  So after watching the first three classes I sat down to make a budget.  We had saved our receipts for a month and I sat down looked at my pile of receipts and just started crying.  Then I wondered what was wrong with me.  I hadn't even really gotten started yet.

I reached out for help, certain, after an evening's reflection, that this was related to negative financial beliefs and emotions I had emphatically picked up from my parents as a child.  I got a call from a woman who mentors professionally, and would give me a free first session.  We started with some questions. What were my beliefs?  One was that no matter how hard we try we just can't get out of debt.  How did that make me feel?  Like I'm in bondage to our creditors.  What feelings did this bring up?  Powerlessness. ...  It's just not possible.  Word association...I forget what it was but I came up with a cage.  I pictured the cage.  Am I inside it?  No my inner child is inside the cage, I am an observer.  Ask her if you can help her get out.  She doesn't know.  She doesn't understand how she got here or how to get out or who can help her.  That's okay.  She's only a child, she doesn't understand.  Do you know how to free her?  I can't.  I don't know how.  You need a hero to help you.  You can choose whoever you want.  I choose Christ.  Christ comes down in a beam of light overpowering the darkness where me and my inner child have been.  He holds and comforts me.  He places a key in my hand and we unlock and then lift the cage together off my inner child and it dissolves into light.  She runs to Christ and He picks her up.  He tells her He loves her, she can trust me, I can keep her safe, and she has a mission to fulfill helping others.   He then talks to me handing her over to my care, reassuring me that I can trust myself and that the gifts He has blessed me with have a purpose.  Through trust in Him I can feel secure even while in the bondage of our debts.

Next there are the ties to my mother to deal with.  There is one of light between our hearts but there are a few of darkness to other places that cause fear of things that were her problems becoming my problems too.  I cut only the dark ones with scissors and hand them to Christ and he heals them and dissolves them into light.  What do I want to send to my mother?  Forgiveness, Love, Reassurance that severing the dark cords doesn't mean I'll sever the light ones, in fact the absence of dark ones tainting our relationship makes the light one even stronger.

I was full of peace when it was done.  I honestly believe we can get through our troubles and I can feel secure and have great relationships with God and my husband even as we are trying to get out of debt and build a better future for ourselves.  I began the session without hope for the future, but I ended full of not only hope but confidence in the future, myself, and Christ to overcome these challenges and fulfill the mission God has for me to impact the world around me for good.


Financial healing takes healing of the emotions behind the financial problems.  It is all inter-related and not one aspect can be ignored.  I love you.  May God bless you in your journey of healing too. 

The Truth about Relief Society Part 1: The Founding and Origional Organization

My experience that prompted this post

You never know how little authority women in the church have till you are called to a position in which you think you can do something meaningful, just to find out you can't even plan a single topic without permission from a man.  We take such pride in saying Relief Society is the oldest women's organization in the world, but how is it a women's organization if we have to get permission from a man who isn't part of said organization to do anything within it?  To me this doesn't make any sense at all.  I wouldn't mind if women never get the priesthood, but can we at least get control over our own organization again? The High Priests, and Elders can organize their own activities, extend their own callings and fulfill their responsibilities all on their own.  Why should the women need the oversight and supervision of the Bishop to do the same things?  We are treated not like equals but like children.  We don't want the priesthood so we can be Bishops, or Elders (at least most that I know of).  Men can have those callings, we just want the freedom to do what we like within our own organization.  In attempting to plan a gathering outside of normal Sunday services I have to get permission for the topic AND the teacher of the topic.  Apparently this control over the women has been going on for well over 60 years.

So what was Relief Society when it was founded?  Let's look at what Relief Society was when organized by Joseph Smith.  With the Joseph Smith Papers we can go straight to the source and read about the organization of Relief Society straigh from their own meeting minutes:

"President Smith further remarked that an organization to show them how to go to work would be sufficient. He proposed that the Sisters choose a presiding officer to preside over them, and let the presiding officer choose two counselors to assist in the duties of her office -- that he would ordain them to preside over the Society -- and let them preside just as the Presidency presides over the church and if they need instruction -- ask him, he will give it from time to time." [emphasis added] (JSP Nauvoo Relief Society Minute Book p.7-8)

Notice the women choose the leader, and she chooses counselors, all Joseph did is propose the organization and ordain the women they chose to lead them. They can ask him for instruction but he did not mandate anything in the form of policies or anything else, a Constitution was all up to them to create for themselves.

"If any Officers are wanted to carry out the designs of the Institution, let them be appointed and set apart, as Deacons, Teachers, etc. are among us. . . .

"He then suggested the propriety of electing a Presidency to continue in office during good behavior, or so long as they shall continue to fill the office with dignity etc. like the first Presidency of the Church.

"Motioned by Sister Whitney and seconded by Sister Packard that Mrs. Emma Smith be chosen President -- Passed unanimously --" (ibid p.8)

The ONLY role of the priesthood in Relief Society was to ordain the women to offices within the Society, not even to propose or vote on who those sisters should be!!!  Joseph Smith did not call Emma to be the first President of Relief Society, the sisters did by common consent.  Relief Society had it's own funds, and it's own treasurer, and was not dependent on the Church for it's financial means to carry out it's purposes.  Joseph Smith gave the first donation of $5, and after the minutes of each meeting a record was kept of donations including who gave and the amount.  The men present for the initial organization and naming of the Society withdrew before the choice of secretaries and treasurer were made.  (ibid p. 13)

Sisters who wanted to join the Female Relief Society of Navoo had to apply and their membership be voted on by common conent of those who already belonged (this is an action at the begining of each meeting, the sustaining of new members), just as men admitted to the priesthood are sustained by common consent then and still today.  Every meeting (except one when Joseph Smith thought they were growing too fast) started with the sustaining of new members, and a list of those who were added to the Society.  Early meetings talked about the importance of avoiding evil, and in the third meeting Joseph Smith said, "none should be received into the Society but those who were worthy -- proposed that the Society go into a close examination of every candidate." (ibid p. 22)  Much of this responsibility fell to Emma.  

What has Changed?

Today the men decide who will be in various positions in Relief Society and the men decide how much money from church funds can be used by the Relief Society, the men decide what topics we can teach and when and who can teach them. Voting on new members who wish to join has been done away now and any female member of the church over the age of 18 is automatically a member of Reilief Society. We don't make our own lessons, and we don't have our own funds to administer relief with.  Really we don't do any administering relief any more.  We do some service to those who need it from time to time, but most of our ability to give relief has been crippled by the church burocracy (speaking from my own experience and observation).  We instead create our own new organizations (like the Liahona Children's Foundation) separate from the church when we find a need of relief because we can't give relief in Relief Society any more.

Continue to Part 2

"Man looketh on the outward appearances but the Lord looketh on the heart."

So last night I was having a great conversation with my husband.  We ended up talking about how within the LDS church we've made extensive lists of things to do and things not to do and as long as you follow the lists you'll be fine. So at some point during our conversation last night my husband had his epiphany and this is the analogy he came up with - Checklists are just a giant empty box!  They're so huge, and they look so important, but there's nothing at all inside.  They are completely empty unless you're one of the few who figures out how to put something into them.  They're the size of our driveway, and they're black.  They demand our attention and declare themselves to be so important, but they give you nothing.  And I just couldn't agree more!  Yes!  He gets it!

I had tried to explain this to him before, talking about the Pharisees in the Bible, and how we have become a Pharisaical people.  But he's unfamiliar with New Testament scripture, and the analogy was meaningless to him.  I often forget just how different the homes we grew up in really were.  His family read scriptures to check them off a to do list.  There was never really any discussion or teaching involved.  In my home we had gospel discussions all the time.  Some how I was able to see beyond the checklist to the heart and what our heart should be.  Jesus hated the checklists of the Pharisees.  He just wanted people to understand to love one another.  So much is solved with that alone.  We don't do nearly enough teaching about where our heart should be and how to really gain true Charity the pure love of Christ.

My husband came to the conclusion that this was why he fell away from the church during his early adult life.  The list was empty and he never managed to see beyond it to what God really wanted in his heart.  It was just a matter of being too busy doing stuff to do bad stuff.  So when he just didn't really feel like it anymore, and he saw no real purpose in any of it, he went off to do other stuff. 

This is why Christ focused so much more on the heart.  "If you give a gift grudgingly it is counted as if you had retained it."  "When you pray use not vein repetitions to be heard for your much speaking."  "The widow giving her mite gives more that the wealthy with all their tens of thousands."  Why?  Because the widow was giving not just money, she was giving her heart.  The wealthy were just giving their easily disposable income to be seen and praised by others.  They were not giving their heart only a few actions on their checklist to heaven.  People who use vein repetitions in their prayers aren't even really praying.  They are going through the motions, but their heart is looking sideways to see who of their fellow men is impressed by their prayer.  Their heart is not connecting to God the way prayer is supposed to help it do.

So here's the thing. The giant black demanding checklist box doesn't have heaven inside, it has emptiness.  Emptiness is all you can gain by focusing on the checklist outside you.  But when you stop looking at the checklist and look up to God, and then He directs your attention inward.  You would be surprised to learn how many things on the list He really doesn't care about.  It's a man-made list.  He didn't build the box, we did.  He wants our heart.  He wants our love.  He wants us to love each other.  And it breaks His heart when we are so focused on our outward appearances that we neglect to see that the whole time we were so focused on the list Satan had a heyday wreaking havoc in our hearts, and we didn't even notice.  Then we realize one day that we are no where near the narrow path we thought we were on, and we look back at our tracks to see where we came off it, and we realize we were never on it in the first place.  God looks on the inward parts of us, at our mind and heart and desires, and until those parts are cleansed and united with God EVERYTHING on your list is MEANINGLESS and will not save you in the least. 

So I ask, "Have ye felt this mighty change of heart?  And if so do ye feel so now?"  We each have the choice to repent and not just change what checklist we are using each day, but actually have a real change in our hearts as we choose to devote them to the God who is eagerly waiting to embrace us.  He and She and their Son are waiting to embrace you.  Come unto Them.  May you have a beautiful reunion with Them.  They love you so much!

"Love thy neighbor as thyself..."

Some time ago, my husband went to bed early, and I had time to myself in the evening.  I finished reading a chapter from the book Feelings Buried Alive Never Die.  It talked about love and the power love has to heal and to cast off fear.  And so loving oneself is important to being able to heal.  Also loving the situation you are in so you will be open to learning what you need to to be able to grow and improve your situation.  The book obviously expresses it better and more extensively.
I was very inspired, and decided to meditate to open my chakras and pray before bed. I was almost immediately able to feel the energy flowing through me.  I still went through each chakra. It was the most relaxing and rejuvenating evening I'd had for a while, and it reminded me how good it feels to really take time for myself.

 Now I'm much further in the book and have seen the power of the healing tool it gives you.  I remember while going to therapy for depression it seemed no matter how many times I told myself I loved myself I just couldn't seem to get myself to FEEL it.  All positive affirmations just felt like lies to me.  They did nothing.  I could think I matter and my needs matter, but however hard I tried it seemed my feelings just didn't believe me.  It took years of therapy to convince myself that my needs do matter, though I still thought they didn't matter as much as everyone else's.  Now it's been a good couple weeks since I first used the tool to teach myself to love myself, and to believe that I and my needs matter.  The changes have been subtle (likely because I had already been working on these things for years.) but I take the time drink water when I'm thirsty, I remember to take my vitamins, I've started eating fruits and vegetables again and I've managed to create a healthier balance between caring for and meeting the needs of my family, and meeting my own needs.  So far it has been better than the ways therapy worked.  I would discover a problem and it would take the next 6 months to a year to try to work through it, white-knuckling it and trying to just tell myself to feel better already, just to relapse again with the next fluctuation in my hormones. This feels like the real healing I'd been seeking all that time.

As always good luck on your journey.  I can't recommend this book enough.  It has been a total game changer for me, and for others I've used it to help as well.  More than anything we need more people to love themselves so they can better feel God's love and extend it to others.  We are to love our neighbor as our self, but are a society of people who don't even love ourselves.  As we learn to love ourselves our capacity to love other greatly increases.  As we each choose to heal ourselves we then will be able to heal our communities, states, and countries.  The answer to all the problems in politics isn't in who we elect.  (When I see a candidate actually sincerely love people I might start to care about politics again.)  It starts within ourselves.  Love yourself, then turn around and love your neighbor, and when you do you won't be able to help but want to help him out.  This is how God works.  Let us start within ourselves first.