So I decided that for my own peace of mind and security I would stop letting me and my husband make excuses and finally learn how to live on a budget. I talked to my sister knowing she would be supportive, and knowing she and her husband have always been on a budget and know how to do it. I got encouragement, and Dave Ramsey advice and ultimately enrolled online in Financial Peace University. So after watching the first three classes I sat down to make a budget. We had saved our receipts for a month and I sat down looked at my pile of receipts and just started crying. Then I wondered what was wrong with me. I hadn't even really gotten started yet.
I reached out for help, certain, after an evening's reflection, that this was related to negative financial beliefs and emotions I had emphatically picked up from my parents as a child. I got a call from a woman who mentors professionally, and would give me a free first session. We started with some questions. What were my beliefs? One was that no matter how hard we try we just can't get out of debt. How did that make me feel? Like I'm in bondage to our creditors. What feelings did this bring up? Powerlessness. ... It's just not possible. Word association...I forget what it was but I came up with a cage. I pictured the cage. Am I inside it? No my inner child is inside the cage, I am an observer. Ask her if you can help her get out. She doesn't know. She doesn't understand how she got here or how to get out or who can help her. That's okay. She's only a child, she doesn't understand. Do you know how to free her? I can't. I don't know how. You need a hero to help you. You can choose whoever you want. I choose Christ. Christ comes down in a beam of light overpowering the darkness where me and my inner child have been. He holds and comforts me. He places a key in my hand and we unlock and then lift the cage together off my inner child and it dissolves into light. She runs to Christ and He picks her up. He tells her He loves her, she can trust me, I can keep her safe, and she has a mission to fulfill helping others. He then talks to me handing her over to my care, reassuring me that I can trust myself and that the gifts He has blessed me with have a purpose. Through trust in Him I can feel secure even while in the bondage of our debts.
Next there are the ties to my mother to deal with. There is one of light between our hearts but there are a few of darkness to other places that cause fear of things that were her problems becoming my problems too. I cut only the dark ones with scissors and hand them to Christ and he heals them and dissolves them into light. What do I want to send to my mother? Forgiveness, Love, Reassurance that severing the dark cords doesn't mean I'll sever the light ones, in fact the absence of dark ones tainting our relationship makes the light one even stronger.
I was full of peace when it was done. I honestly believe we can get through our troubles and I can feel secure and have great relationships with God and my husband even as we are trying to get out of debt and build a better future for ourselves. I began the session without hope for the future, but I ended full of not only hope but confidence in the future, myself, and Christ to overcome these challenges and fulfill the mission God has for me to impact the world around me for good.
Financial healing takes healing of the emotions behind the financial problems. It is all inter-related and not one aspect can be ignored. I love you. May God bless you in your journey of healing too.
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