The Truth About Relief Society Part 4: More Teachings in the Navoo Relief Society

If you have not yet read Part 1, Part 2, or Part 3 of this series I recommend reading them first before proceeding with this post.

Joseph Smith at the Nineth Meeting

Joseph Smith addressed the Sisters next in their Nineth meeting.  All their meetings between his talk in the sixth meeting and in the ninth were rather more business oriented than spiritually oriented, aside from some talks about avoiding evil in one of the meetings.  Again quotes in this post will be taken from the Navoo Relief Society Minute Book.

In his talk in the ninth meeting Joseph Smith warned the Sisters to avoid some pit falls he could see in the church as a whole, and some within the Society as well.  "Prest. J. Smith rose, read the 14th Chap. of  Ezekiel— said the Lord had declar’d by the prophet that the people should each one stand for himself  and depend on no man or men in that state of corruption of the Jewish church— that righteous persons could only deliver their own souls— applied it to the present state of the church of Latter-Day Saints— said if the people departed from the Lord, they must fall— that they were depending on the prophet hence were darkened in their minds from neglect of themselves" (p. 51)  We should only rely on God and whenever we put a man between us and God we are inhibiting our own progress.  But to rely on God means you actually have to be responsible to build your own relationship with Him.  It takes real work.  Thus why it is the narrower and less followed path.

The rest of Joseph's Talk was largely focused on avoiding gossip: "the tongue is an unruly member— hold your tongues about things of no moment, — a little tale will set the world on fire."  And later in the talk,  "I do not want to cloak iniquity— all things contrary to the will of God, should be cast from us, but don't do more hurt than good with your tongues— be pure in heart— Jesus designs to save the people out of their sins. Said Jesus ye shall do the work which ye see me do— These are the grand key words for the Society to act upon." (p. 52-53)  Let us use our words to uplift, and inspire one another.  Learning the sin of another is only helpful insomuch as it gives us an opportunity to forgive, and to learn not to make the same mistake ourselves; any other purpose is not of an uplifting nature and should therefore be avoided.

Bishop Whitney at the Tenth Meeting

At first, I was only going to focus on Joseph Smith's teachings, but as I read the talk presented by Bishop Whitney at the tenth meeting I was moved to include some of it here.  He says, "We must humble ourselves and live by the rule given for our practice— we must lose sight of vain things and  remember that the eye of God is upon us. If we are striving to do right, altho’ we may err in judgment many times yet we are justified in the sight of God if we do the best we can according to our judgment. We need not go astray if we will strive in all the energy of our souls to do right." (p. 58-59 emphasis added)  He did not teach to rely on his judgment or even Joseph's judgment, but each on their own judgment, but that is not enough, once you have made a judgment about a thing you must act with all the energy of your soul.  Any who act with this kind of energy will soon find out through such an experiment whether or not they are acting right on the matter, if they are humble enough to be willing to learn whether they err.  Later he continues, "We must prove all things and hold fast that which is good.  There are blessings lying before which are worth striving to obtain. It is our duty to humble ourselves— it  is our most reasonable service to do it— must proceed to receive grace for grace, light and intelligence— if  we have intelligence we have power."  Humility is the willingness and desire to learn; line upon line, and grace for grace is the way to learn. 

He continues on to talk about unity saying, "We may have different views of things, still there is some criterion which all may come to, and by bringing our minds and wills into subjection to the law of the Lord, may come to unity. It is impossible while finding fault with one another to be united." (p. 59)  When we concern ourselves with our own path to God and allow others to worry about their own paths without fear of judgment, that is the beginning of unity.

Joseph Smith at the Eleventh Meeting

At the next meeting Joseph Smith addressed the sisters again this time on the importance of fellow shipping one another with kindness and of avoiding self-righteousness.  "Christ was condemn’d  by the righteous jews because he took sinners into his  society— he took them up on the principle that they repented of their sins. It is the object of this Society to reform persons, not to take those that are corrupt, but if they repent we are bound to take them and by kindness sanctify and cleanse from all unrighteousness, by our influence in watching over them. . . . Nothing is so much calculated to lead people to forsake sin as to take them by the hand and watch over them with tenderness. When persons manifest the least kindness and love to me, O what pow’r it has over my mind, while the opposite course has a tendency to harrow up all the harsh feelings and depress the human mind." (p. 61-62) The importance of using kindness and love in helping others is a simple matter of human behavior and our natural tendency to get defensive when accused.  To give kindness to those we perceive as being 'not as worthy' gives us the opportunity to grow a friendship and perhaps learn they are not so unworthy as we think, and we might learn of our own deficiencies through the challenges of being kind to someone in whatever way different from us.  Joseph continues,  "All the religious world is boasting of righteousness — tis the doctrine of the devil to retard the human mind and retard our progress, by filling us with selfrighteousness— The nearer we get to our heavenly Father, the more are we dispos’d to look with compassion on perishing souls— to take them upon our shoulders and cast their sins behind our back. I am going to talk to all this Society— if you would have God have mercy on you, have mercy on one another." (p. 62) He continues, "We are full of selfishness—  the devil flatters us that we are very righteous, while we  are feeding on the faults of others— We can only live by worshipping our God— all must do it for themselves—  none can do it for another." (p. 63)  Knowing we are each on our own path to God and that none can do it for another should be a very humbling thought.  We should be seeking knowledge for ourselves, and kindness and patience for others as they seek it for themselves.

Final Thoughts

I hope this series has been uplifting and enlightening for my readers.  As I've read these Minutes I've had a sort of idea formulated of just what Zion might be like and what Joseph wanted for the early Saints that they collectively didn't seem to fully grasp.  I don't know if I fully grasp it myself, but I sure am closer than I was before.  As we fill our hearts with Love and not judgment, with humility and not self-righteousness, with patience and long suffering and not anger, as we make our focus our own relationship with Christ and not focus on man, we will each be that much closer to establishing the Kingdom of God again on the Earth.  It can happen!  God has made it possible through the grace of Christ's atonement.  And Blessed be the name of the Father forever for giving us the power of deliverance through His Son Jesus Christ.  My God bless you on your journey wherever it takes you!

The Truth About Relief Society Part 3: The Teachings of the Modern LDS Church

If you haven't first read Part 1 and Part 2, I recommend reading them first.  Part 2 will be directly referenced throughout Part 3.

In Daughters in My Kingdom, an LDS Church publication about the history of Relief Society, it talks about the founding of Relief Society and about Joseph Smith teaching the sisters it says, "The Prophet's teachings in this setting guided the work of the Relief Society sisters and the priesthood leaders who served them.  Those teachings continue to influence the work of the Church today."  (Daughters in My Kingdom, p. 17)  The purpose of this part is to analyze the truthfulness of this claim and see just how much Joseph Smith's teachings really influence us today.

 Gifts of the Spirit

We saw in Part 2 Joseph Smith teaching about the gifts of the Spirit coming straight from 1 Corinthians 12, and then expounding on it teaching all believers would manifest one or more of these gifts and the women were included.  And the gifts were tongues, the interpretation of tongues, prophesy, knowledge, wisdom, healing, and being healed.  But what are we taught in General Conference about spiritual gifts?

In "Life's Lessons Learned" by Joseph Wirthlin, he talks briefly in passing about the gifts of the Spirit, "We all possess spiritual gifts. Some are blessed with the gift of faith, others the gift of healing. In the body of the Church, all of the spiritual gifts are present. In my case, perhaps one of the spiritual gifts for which I am most grateful is that I have been blessed with an obedient spirit. When I heard wise counsel from my parents or Church leaders, I listened and tried to make it part of my thoughts and actions.

"Brethren of the priesthood, I urge you to cultivate the gift of an obedient spirit."An obedient spirit has never been referenced in the scriptures as a spiritual gift.  Obedience is a personal choice, and more of a character attribute than it is a gift of the Spirit.

In his talk "Eyes to See and Ears to Hear" Kim Clark talks about spiritual gifts and even the day of Pentecost in the New Testament.  "Just before His suffering in Gethsemane and on Calvary, Jesus made His disciples this remarkable promise: 'He that believeth on me, the works that I do shall he do also; and greater works than these shall he do; because I go unto my Father.^'

"Jesus fulfilled that promise: beginning with the day of Pentecost, the disciples were blessed with the baptism of fire and of the Holy Ghost. Through their faith in Christ, repentance, and obedience, the Holy Ghost became their companion, changed their hearts, and blessed them with an abiding witness of the truth.

"These gifts and blessings strengthened the Lord’s disciples. Although the times they lived in were dangerous and confusing, they received the spiritual gift of eyes to see and ears to hear."  In actuality the day of Pentecost was accompanied by much more than "eyes to see and ears to hear."  It was an outpouring of the Spirit in which the apostles saw visions, and spoke in tongues and those listening through the interpretation of tongues each heard them in their own language.  Yes, in one sense this can be called "eyes to see and ears to hear" as the things they saw and heard were spiritual and only able to be seen and heard if one had the necessary gifts of the Spirit to do so.  As he continues it is obvious he doesn't mean for us to think we can receive the same visions and tongues and the interpretations, no he only thinks, "We need eyes to see more clearly the Savior working in our lives and ears to hear His voice more deeply in our hearts."  And while I agree with this statement I don't consider it to be the same in any way as the gifts of the Spirit and certainly not on par with or greater than the works of Christ as He promised His apostles.

Really it's hard to find many sources in modern teachings about spiritual gifts.  Some talks mention them in passing saying to seek them, but really not much if anything about what they are, or how to use them, or what each one should be used for.  The spiritual gifts found in the scriptures is just not expounded on because it is such a rare occurrence in the LDS Church for someone to actually have any of them, so if we talked about them and brought them to attention we would have to face the reality these gifts Christ promised to those who believe in Him are for the most part absent among us.  I would think that within each ward there would be at least one holding each gift so we could benefit one from another, but in all the several wards I've been in I have never heard of even one person who had and openly exercised their gift to benefit the ward.  Healing blessings I would receive would really be prayers for the doctor to do a good job.

Keys and Guarding Against Corruption in the Church

To quickly recap, Joseph Smith taught the sisters that both the Relief Society and the Church had the keys and that there were aspiring elders who had already led to corruption within the Church and warned them to guard against such things within their Society.  While a search for Spiritual Gifts conference talks generates about two and a half pages of results, a search for keys generates ten pages of talk titles to sort through. 

Spencer Kimball in his talk, "We Thank Thee, O God, for a Prophet" declared the comfort we should receive from this quote from Wilford Woodruff, "I say to Israel, the Lord will never permit me or any other man who stands as president of this Church to lead you astray. It is not in the program. It is not in the mind of God. If I were to attempt that the Lord would remove me out of my place, and so he will any other man who attempts to lead the children of men astray from his oracles of God and from their duty."  So not only is there no possibility of corruption but once someone gains the position of leading the Church they lose their agency and are incapable of leading the Church astray.  Many other bloggers have written about this topic so I will recommend you to them.

Searching for general conference talks about corruption results in talks referencing the evils and corruption that is in the world, never within the church or even warning to watch for it.  It simply isn't considered a possibility, or at least not one they want us to be aware of.  But they are more than happy to preach about the keys, and the fact that they are the only ones who have them.

Seeking the Presence of God

Joseph Smith taught the sisters that as they would be faithful they would receive angels, Christ and ultimately come to the presence of the Father all in this life.  It was clear he was talking about now and not some hypothetical or distant future.  Jörg Klebingat in his talk, "Approaching the Throne of God with Confidence" (I actually had hope reading the title.) expounds much more on how to have confidence than he does about approaching the throne of God.  In fact the only time he really talks about being in the presence of Christ or God is as a hypothetical question in his introduction and in his testimony at the end saying, "I testify of a loving Savior who is anxious for your 'confidence [to] wax strong in the presence of God.'"  Instead the body of his talk was about things like taking spiritual responsibility, exercise and eating right, embracing obedience, getting good at repenting and forgiving, and accepting trials as a part of mortality.  All of these things are great, but he neglected to tell us how they will aid us in approaching the throne of God, aside from having more confidence.     All other references I found were either about being in God's presence after the resurrection, or leaving it because of the Fall of Adam.  We no longer teach it as a possibility within this life.

So all these topics taught by Joseph Smith are largely ignored, set aside, or outright contradicted in the LDS Church's current teachings.  I could have done more research to collect more sources, but I found no joy, or light in the things I found and prefer going back to sources of light.  So Part 4 will resume teachings of Joseph Smith to the Relief Society in Navoo.

The Truth about Relief Society Part 2: Joseph Smith's Teachings

If you haven't already read Part 1 I recommend reading it first.

Joseph Smith's Teachings From the 6th Meeting

In the sixth meeting of the Female Relief Society of Navoo, Joseph Smith wished to address the sisters, but before doing so "That as his instructions were intended only for the Society; he requested that a vote should be taken on those present who were not members to ascertain whether they should be admitted." (JSP Navoo Relief Society Minute Book p. 34)  Some sisters were given a "no" vote and before proceeding with the meeting a committee was appointed to inquire about the objections. The committee returned at the end of the meeting to present their results and the objections against one of the women was removed. (ibid p. 41) (This could be examined too in relation to how "no" votes are handled now, but for that discussion I will just direct you here as the purpose of this post is only the topic of Relief Society.)  Joseph Smith wanting this teaching to only be for the Relief Society sisters, shows both the seriousness of the topic and a certain amount of what was going on in the church at the time as you will see.

In just the previous meeting one sister spoke in tongues, followed by a sister who interpreted, and one who prophesied, and after the conclusion of the meeting two sisters administered to one who was sick and healed her. (ibid p. 32-33)  Reports of this meeting came to Joseph and so he chose to address the sisters at the following meeting.  He taught from Corinthians about the gifts of the Spirit.  "He said the reason of these remarks being made, was, that some little thing was circulating in the Society, that some persons were not going right in laying hands on the sick etc.  Said if he had common sympathies, would rejoice that the sick could be healed." (ibid p. 35-36)  He continued on "no matter who believeth; these signs, such as healing the sick, casting out devils etc. should follow all that believe whether male or female.  He asked the Society if they could not see by this sweeping stroke, that wherein they are ordained, it is the privilege of those set apart to administer in that authority which is confired on them -- and if the sisters should have faith to heal the sick, let all hold their tongues, and let everything roll on." [emphasis added] (ibid p. 36)  Today in the Ordain Women movement women are only asking for what Joseph Smith gave them in the first place, and they are being excommunicated for doing so.  Joseph Smith continued to teach the sisters, "Respecting the female laying on hands, he remarked, there could be no devil in it if God gave His sanction by healing -- that there could be no more sin in any female laying hands on the sick than with wetting the face with water -- that it is no sin for anybody to do it that has faith, or if the sick has faith to be healed by the administration." (ibid p. 36)  He cautioned the sisters about speaking in tongues "If any have a matter to reveal let it be in your own tongue. Do not indulge too much in the gift of tongues, or the devil will take advantage of the innocent.  You may speak in tongues for your comfort but I lay this down for a rule that if any thing is taught by the gift of tongues it is not to be received for doctrine." (ibid p. 40-41) Joseph Smith taught the sisters in his day they had the same power to do the the same things as the men, because these were Spiritual Gifts that all who believe have access to.  And the spiritual gifts he spoke of were those found in the scriptures namely tongues, the interpretation of tongues, prophesy, knowledge, wisdom, healing, and being healed.

He next taught them about maintaining their proper place and order within their Society.  "President Smith continued by speaking of the difficulties he had to surmount ever since the commencement of the work in consequence of aspiring men 'big great Elders' as he called them, who had caused him much trouble, whom he had taught in private counsel and they would go forth into the world and proclaim the things he had taught them; as their own revelations -- Said the same aspiring disposition will be in this Society, and must be guarded against -- that every person should stand and act in the place appointed, and thus sanctify the Society and get it pure" He then spoke about not having long and not having many opportunities to teach them, "He spoke of delivering the keys to this Society and to the church." [emphasis added] (ibid p.37) If Emma and her counselors held keys as the leaders of the Relief Society they had just as much a claim to the continued line of authority as did the 12 apostles according to this quote.  And in the context of the church being plagued with aspiring men who had their own goals and not the welfare of the church in mind, the claim of these three sisters' authority might even be more legitimate.  "He said if one member becomes corrupt and you know it; you must immediately put it away.  The sympathies of the heads of the church have induced them to bare with those that were corrupt; in consequence of which all become contaminated --" (ibid p. 38)  No wonder Emma chose not to go west following after men her own husband admitted were corrupt and contaminated. This teaching to the sisters of the church shows that the leaders of the church were already embarking on the road to apostasy, and not only was it very possible for the church to be led astray it was something to very carefully be guarded against.

Joseph Smith also taught of the urgency and importance of doing good and seeking a relationship with God.  "If you do right, no danger of going too fast: he said he did not care how fast we run in the path of virtue.  Resist evil and there is no danger."  When after speaking of their gift for charity some quote often used in the church he continues with things you will never hear at church, "if you live up to your privilege, angels can not be restrained from being your associates -- females if they are pure and innocent can come into the presence of God; you must be innocent or you cannot come up before God.  If we would come before God let us be pure ourselves.  The Devil has great power -- he will so transform things as to make one gape at those who are doing the will of God -- you need not be tearing for their deeds, but let the weight of innocence be felt; which is more mighty than a millstone hung about the neck.  Not war, not jangle, not contradiction, but meekness, love, purity, these are the things that should magnify us. ... iniquity must be purged out -- then the veil will be rent and the blessings of heaven will flow down." (ibid p. 38)  Joseph Smith believed it was possible and wanted the sisters to come into the literal presence of God in this life.  It was something for them to strive for and seek.

Part 3 will contrast these teachings with what the LDS church teaches today.

The Truth about Relief Society Part 1: The Founding and Origional Organization

My experience that prompted this post

You never know how little authority women in the church have till you are called to a position in which you think you can do something meaningful, just to find out you can't even plan a single topic without permission from a man.  We take such pride in saying Relief Society is the oldest women's organization in the world, but how is it a women's organization if we have to get permission from a man who isn't part of said organization to do anything within it?  To me this doesn't make any sense at all.  I wouldn't mind if women never get the priesthood, but can we at least get control over our own organization again? The High Priests, and Elders can organize their own activities, extend their own callings and fulfill their responsibilities all on their own.  Why should the women need the oversight and supervision of the Bishop to do the same things?  We are treated not like equals but like children.  We don't want the priesthood so we can be Bishops, or Elders (at least most that I know of).  Men can have those callings, we just want the freedom to do what we like within our own organization.  In attempting to plan a gathering outside of normal Sunday services I have to get permission for the topic AND the teacher of the topic.  Apparently this control over the women has been going on for well over 60 years.

So what was Relief Society when it was founded?  Let's look at what Relief Society was when organized by Joseph Smith.  With the Joseph Smith Papers we can go straight to the source and read about the organization of Relief Society straigh from their own meeting minutes:

"President Smith further remarked that an organization to show them how to go to work would be sufficient. He proposed that the Sisters choose a presiding officer to preside over them, and let the presiding officer choose two counselors to assist in the duties of her office -- that he would ordain them to preside over the Society -- and let them preside just as the Presidency presides over the church and if they need instruction -- ask him, he will give it from time to time." [emphasis added] (JSP Nauvoo Relief Society Minute Book p.7-8)

Notice the women choose the leader, and she chooses counselors, all Joseph did is propose the organization and ordain the women they chose to lead them. They can ask him for instruction but he did not mandate anything in the form of policies or anything else, a Constitution was all up to them to create for themselves.

"If any Officers are wanted to carry out the designs of the Institution, let them be appointed and set apart, as Deacons, Teachers, etc. are among us. . . .

"He then suggested the propriety of electing a Presidency to continue in office during good behavior, or so long as they shall continue to fill the office with dignity etc. like the first Presidency of the Church.

"Motioned by Sister Whitney and seconded by Sister Packard that Mrs. Emma Smith be chosen President -- Passed unanimously --" (ibid p.8)

The ONLY role of the priesthood in Relief Society was to ordain the women to offices within the Society, not even to propose or vote on who those sisters should be!!!  Joseph Smith did not call Emma to be the first President of Relief Society, the sisters did by common consent.  Relief Society had it's own funds, and it's own treasurer, and was not dependent on the Church for it's financial means to carry out it's purposes.  Joseph Smith gave the first donation of $5, and after the minutes of each meeting a record was kept of donations including who gave and the amount.  The men present for the initial organization and naming of the Society withdrew before the choice of secretaries and treasurer were made.  (ibid p. 13)

Sisters who wanted to join the Female Relief Society of Navoo had to apply and their membership be voted on by common conent of those who already belonged (this is an action at the begining of each meeting, the sustaining of new members), just as men admitted to the priesthood are sustained by common consent then and still today.  Every meeting (except one when Joseph Smith thought they were growing too fast) started with the sustaining of new members, and a list of those who were added to the Society.  Early meetings talked about the importance of avoiding evil, and in the third meeting Joseph Smith said, "none should be received into the Society but those who were worthy -- proposed that the Society go into a close examination of every candidate." (ibid p. 22)  Much of this responsibility fell to Emma.  

What has Changed?

Today the men decide who will be in various positions in Relief Society and the men decide how much money from church funds can be used by the Relief Society, the men decide what topics we can teach and when and who can teach them. Voting on new members who wish to join has been done away now and any female member of the church over the age of 18 is automatically a member of Reilief Society. We don't make our own lessons, and we don't have our own funds to administer relief with.  Really we don't do any administering relief any more.  We do some service to those who need it from time to time, but most of our ability to give relief has been crippled by the church burocracy (speaking from my own experience and observation).  We instead create our own new organizations (like the Liahona Children's Foundation) separate from the church when we find a need of relief because we can't give relief in Relief Society any more.

Continue to Part 2

"Whoso is looked upon to be lusted after....no wait...That's not right...

I've recently discovered some things about my past, and beliefs about myself that caused physical problems as I was growing from a girl to a woman.  There are some things that are fundamentally wrong about the way the church I grew up in taught modesty. (For example the end of this.) I was taught modesty to such a standard that if a boy or man looked at me and was aroused I was pornography, and it caused serious psychological, and emotional damage.

When men put the blame for their thoughts on women the message it sends us is that our very identity as women is something to be ashamed of. For me growing up it meant guys couldn't be trusted.  If I was the one responsible to keep their thoughts pure clearly they had no self-control.  As I began growing into a woman I grew my hair long and always wore it down to try to hide my developing chest behind it. I was often distracted by my own endeavors to NOT be porn. I felt that growing from a girl to a woman was something to fear and be ashamed of. Then all the while thinking I must be exceptionally ugly because I never went on any dates. This is what these ideas do to women. It teaches them that they need to hide who they are and can't even embrace the shape their body takes (which they don't even have control over) because our shape is evil and turns us into porn if a man chooses to look at us wrong. If guys have a right to not be distracted by girls, shouldn't girls also have a right to not be distracted by whether or not they have sufficiently concealed their identity as growing women? (I ask this more rhetorically.  Really neither is a right, both are a choice.)  Men have no idea how hurtful and damaging this mentality and message really is. The rare occurrence that I might receive a cat call meant I had failed in my attempts to be invisible and had become porn and was therefore evil. Not because of anything I had done, but because a man had chosen to acknowledge my presence in an inappropriate manner. Teenage years are hard enough for girls without putting these extra burdens on them. There was essentially no win for me because I was only judging my self worth by what boys thought of me, and there was no room for them to think anything good.  I was either ugly or I was porn.  My interpretation of the teachings I received about modesty allowed for nothing else.  I was taught no other ideas with which I could decide my own philosophy about modesty.  There was no middle ground in which I could be acknowledged to have beauty without being an evil temptress.  Our girls deserve so much better than this.

(If you get squeamish about women's monthly cyclical nature you might want to skip this paragraph.)  So as a teenager I put tons of emotional energy into fighting my own womanhood.  This negative energy manifested in debilitating cramps every month throughout my period, and sometimes being sick too.  My mother was so awkward too, that I had no clue what was going on with my body.  It took a good couple years before I even connected the two events (my periods, and the debilitating cramps that accompanied them).  I thought I would just lay an egg roughly the diameter of a hair. I hadn't a clue why I was bleeding and cramping, it was just a topic we weren't to talk about.  Now I've embraced my womanhood and the four babies I've miraculously brought into this world and then nourished with sustenance created by my own body, and remarkably enough my periods are very mild in nature now.  I'm still working on healing and validating my feminine side, but I'm far better off than I was before I had children.  I actually know now what is happening with my body and I work with it rather than against it. By teaching girls that womanhood is shameful we cause the majority of problems girls have as they grow and develop into women.  Instead I think girls wouldn't have such hard periods if we taught them that womanhood is a beautiful, wonderful, and miraculous thing that should be celebrated.

The messages we tell our sons and daughters matter very much.  Our sons and daughters are responsible for their own thoughts and actions, and teaching them that girls are porn if not dressed properly is an abusive lie with all kinds of damages it can do to the minds, hearts, and bodies of our boys and girls as they try to navigate their already difficult transition to adulthood.  By teaching the boys that girls are porn we teach them to have anger and resentment toward every girl who they think is not sufficiently covered to prevent an improper thought. Instead we should teach them to control their thoughts and to treat women respectfully regardless of what they are wearing. (demonstrated here) We have been teaching them to judge women based on their appearances, and not their character.  Our emphasis on appearance is in complete contradiction with scripture.  For more about that I recommend this post.  If we flipped this over and said this about men it would sound ridiculous as demonstrated by this brilliant satire.  Christ taught, "But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart." (Mathew 5:28).  It is the responsibility of each person to control their own thoughts, and there is a definite difference between appretiating beauty or attractiveness, and lusting after someone.  Perhaps if we taught this difference more instead of being so focused on woman=porn maybe boys could look at a woman without thinking about porn.  We condition them to think this way by focusing so much on the negative and not giving any teaching on how they SHOULD look at a woman.  Let's teach our boys how to look at a woman as a daughter of Heavenly Parents who made her beautiful just the way she is.

American culture has become a culture of shame, and that's what needs to stop. We shame women for being attractive, we shame men for looking at them, we shame drug addicts for having an addiction, we shame parents for making informed choices about their children instead of blindly following experts. There isn't anyone void of the shame American culture tries to put on them. Why can't we all just leave it behind and love one another as people? For claiming to be Christian we sure lack the love He preached.  A woman should be able to be beautiful without being objectified or slut-shamed.  A man should be able to look at her as a person and give an appropriate, respectful compliment without her fearing sexual assault.  We need to learn as a people to treat each other as people. Girls and women are not porn, they are human beings, and should be loved and respected as such.  To teach that they become porn when not dressed properly dehumanizes and objectifies them, and is no where near what Christ taught or what is in scripture.  If our goal as Christians is to be like Him and follow His example then we need to let go of the focus on outward appearances and start looking into each other's hearts, but since we lack the divine ability to know someone's heart immediately upon looking at them, this would involve talking to one another and actually getting to know one another's hearts, and withholding judgment about their current character until we have.  May we all increase in love toward one another as we seek a better way, even His way.  I love you.  I hope my experience can help others heal from this abuse.  Good luck and may God be with you on your healing journey too.