A Woman Without a Religion

About nine months ago I started wearing head coverings.  After a couple weeks of begging God for answers to a question He finally (instead of answering the question) instructed me to wear head coverings.  I did it every day for a few months, and I researched them (something I hadn't been doing about my question; I wanted the easy answer).  I grew to love them for multiple reasons.  I had a halo of frizzy regrowth after some postpartum hair loss that it conveniently hid, it kept my baby from pulling my hair, it kept my ears warm in the winter time, it kept the wind from blowing my hair in my face, and I felt pretty in them.  These were the practical and superficial reasons for it.  The biggest reason to wear it went much deeper.  I felt closer to God by obeying a direction that came personally to me, and my attention was drawn to Him more throughout the day as I had a physical reminder of something I was doing only for Him every day.

So now as I go about my days I've been asked a couple times by people I've met if I'm Muslim.  No, I'm not.  I've never read the Quran.  But how do I explain who I really am?  Mormons don't accept me as one of them because I don't believe in blindly following their modern prophet.  Christians, I've been afraid to admit to them that I still believe in the Book of Mormon, and I believe that bad things Joseph Smith is said to have done, are rumors spread by his enemies.  And for anyone who isn't Christian it brings to mind a variety of bad things Christians have done in the name of their religion that I don't agree with.  I feel no loyalty with the Remnant Movement started by Denver Snuffer.  I'm grateful for the stepping stone it was in my transition leaving the Mormon church, but don't quite agree with some things happening among their group either.  Messianic Jewish seems the best fit, but their services are at times difficult to attend.  And most people have no clue what that means, which is okay, I can explain it to some degree, but not very well since I haven't been attending with them very long and have much to learn myself.  So if they have any questions beyond my simple explanation I'm unable to answer them. Talking to my atheist/agnostic brother-in-law he said, "So you're agnostic. That's a start.  You can't go straight from Mormonism to atheist.  I was agnostic for years before I was atheist."  Almost as if I was on the way to atheism because I no longer believe in the men who lead a worldly cooperate institution.  So I explained that my relationship with God is stronger now than it ever was, and I still believe in a specific God so "agnostic" doesn't seem right either.  And talking with my husband, even he didn't understand my aversion to labels, saying, "We're just Christian."

Labels are a way of lumping people together and associating them with other similar people.  The problem is that most these labels end up misrepresenting parts of that group.  Some people lump together Muslims into one group, and even though the violent terrorists are the minority among them, all the rest are guilty by association.  Likewise with race labels.  People of one group label people of another group and consider the other group to be guilty of whatever the worst people among them have done.  Guilt by association.  This is the most divisive thing we as people do.  And we do it as much with religion as we do with race.  Dividing those who believe in one thing from those who believe in another.  Rather than loving each other regardless of what we each believe and building on common ground, and discussing with the purpose of understanding one another and realizing we both probably have truth to offer the other that we hadn't previously considered.  But instead we are often too caught up in trying to convince others of our ideas to stop and consider theirs.

Ultimately no label fits who I am.  My journey is more complex than that. When it comes down to it, nothing feels quite right except to say I am a lover of God, a lover of people, a humble follower of Christ, and a seeker of truth. 

Things We Couldn't Say... at the Mormon Church

My sister from western Colorado asked if she could write a guest post, and she being my sister, I agreed.  Enjoy.

A Guest Post By Diane Cummings

I was recently told, by someone who believes himself to be in a position to know, that quoting Scripture in church is not okay. Apparently, only people who are "apostate" quote scripture. Or, at least, "apostates are really good at making it sound as though scripture justifies their position." I find this to be a very curious concept. Why, I wonder, would scripture sound like it is backing an alternative position so easily? I think it does back an alternative point of view; not because of twisting the meaning, but because of believing what the scripture literally says.

Let’s look at some real-life examples and see where it leads us.

YW Leader: So if you were suffering from depression, what should you do?
Beehive: I would pray.
YW Leader: Well, you could pray, but you should talk to the Bishop about it, because he has the authority.

What do scriptures say about this?

2 Nephi 28:5 says: "And they deny the power of God, the Holy One of Israel; and they say unto the people: Hearken unto us, and hear ye our precept; for behold there is no God today, for the Lord and the Redeemer hath done his work, and he hath given his power unto men;"(emphasis mine).

This did have the desired effect, though, on the girls. Later, the same girl raised her hand to answer a question. When called upon, she only said, "Never mind." Ah, the sweet sound of a successfully stifled opinion.

How about this example?

Leader: How can you know if something is true?
Me: If it agrees with the word of God in the scriptures, it’s true. If it disagrees with those scriptures, then it isn’t true.
Leader: But you have to believe in modern revelation. If a modern prophet says something, it trumps the scriptures.
Me: No, it doesn’t. Scriptures win, every time.
Leader: Was Jesus a living prophet?
Me: Yes.
Leader (triumphant): And he trumped the scriptures!
Me: No, he didn’t. He lived the law perfectly.

There’s more to it than that, really. He kept the law of Moses. He fulfilled the law. He fulfilled the scriptures. He quoted the scriptures. He did not live, keep, or teach the traditions that had been allowed to replace the scriptures in importance. You see the difference? He kept the law as God told it to Moses, not the tradition taught by the Pharisees. He quoted the scriptures, not the leaders of the day. He did the work of his Father, not the work of his ecclesiastical leaders. We would be without a Savior if Jesus had put the will of men before the will of God; but he didn’t. He did the will of his Father. He fulfilled it all.

If, on the other hand, you say that anything a modern leader says can trump the scriptures, and you’re talking about some of the verses in 3 Nephi 11 where Jesus is teaching the people about baptism (which Leader did bring up), then what you’re really saying is that modern leaders can trump Jesus. Not okay. That is a real apostasy.

The following conversations are composite accounts of various real conversations, had recently between myself and said Leader.

Leader: In scripture Jesus says, when he was teaching the Nephites, "I declare unto you my doctrine." And a few verses later, he says, "And whoso shall declare more or less than this, and establish it for my doctrine, the same cometh of evil." So anything other than what the church teaches is apostasy.
Me: You skipped the verses that say what his doctrine actually is. In verses 30-35 of 3 Nephi 11, the passage you mentioned, we find out what the doctrine is: Do away with contention. Repent and believe in Jesus. Believe in him, and get baptized. We, as a church, have declared more than this and established it for doctrine. You have to repent, believe in him, pay your tithing, and not have gay parents. This is not what the scripture said.

In fact, the idea that you have to pay tithing to get baptized sounds a lot like Mormon 8:32, which says: "Yea, it shall come in a day when there shall be churches built up that shall say: Come unto me, and for your money you shall be forgiven of your sins." This is not a good thing, and the next verse continues the condemnation Moroni began back around verse 27. In verse 33 he goes on: "O ye wicked and perverse and stiffnecked people, why have ye built up churches to get gain? Why have ye transfigured the holy word of God, that ye might bring damnation upon your souls? Behold, look ye to the revelations of God; for behold, the time cometh at that day when all these things must be fulfilled."

Leader: Isaiah 24:5 says: "The earth also is defiled under the inhabitants thereof; because they have transgressed the laws, changed the ordinance, broken the everlasting covenant." So we have to be really careful when dealing with apostates.
Me: In that verse it says the earth is defiled because the people have changed the ordinance. The church has changed the ordinances. The church has changed the endowment many times.
Leader: What do you mean by "the church?" Who do you mean?
Me: I mean the leaders.

Let’s take a closer look at this verse. Who, today, has "authority" to change the ordinances? The leadership of the church. Can the common members change the ordinance? No, only the leaders. Have the common members changed the endowment? No, the leaders have; although some of those changes were based on opinion polling and focus groups, which is a whole different topic. Have the common members changed the initiatory? No, the leaders have. All changes to wording, procedure, recordings, etc. in any of these ordinances has been done by the leadership. This verse is a warning to the leaders, and a caution to the lay members in listening to or following the leaders rather than following God.

Me: You really haven’t been very clear. How do I know if something I would say is "apostate" or not?
Leader: You ask me. I’ll tell you if it’s apostate doctrine.

A scripture applicable here would be 2 Nephi 26:29 – "He commandeth that there shall be no priestcrafts; for, behold, priestcrafts are that men preach and set themselves up for a light unto the world, that they may get gain, and praise of the world; but they seek not the welfare of Zion."

It seems to me that telling people to ask you, rather than to ask God, is setting yourself up as a light. Why is Leader the great source of all knowledge? They aren’t pointing us to God anymore. They point to themselves saying, "We know what is and is not okay. Ask us."

These examples are some of the reasons I choose a literal interpretation of scripture, rather than a tradition-protecting interpretation. I think the scriptures–and God–mean what they say. I have found this view of the scriptures is "good, for it beginneth to enlarge my soul; yea, it beginneth to enlighten my understanding; yea, it beginneth to be delicious to me." (Alma 32:28, at the end) I cannot turn my back on God, even if it leads me in unexpected directions. I love the Lord and want to put him first in my life. I choose to put my trust in him, not in any mortal man. (2 Nephi 4:34) This is my desire and testimony.


Diane Cummings
4 Nov. 2016

Commandments of Health Really are Spiritual

I got a gym membership with childcare 3 days ago, and have gone twice now (so sore!) and am resting today (a Sunday).  I wanted to get in better shape so I would feel better about how I look, and have better energy and endurance to keep up with my kids.

Yesterday I was listening to something someone shared with me about how to receive a Second Comforter experience, and he talked about keeping the commandments and to keep them you have to search the scriptures to learn them.  A lot of things on this path I've not wanted to do my own research about, but have preferred to read or listen to the research of others.  Some things I have researched for myself (head coverings, early Relief Society) but when it came to a visit with God I didn't want to have to dig through the scriptures (honestly my mission almost ruined the scriptures for me largely due to the lack of freedom about what to study).  This morning my heart was softened, and I repented of this anti-scripture mentality and was going to start searching the old testament commandments.  So I went to Genesis Chapter 1, and a verse or two in after thinking I should remember to look for the "Joseph Smith Translation" footnotes, the Spirit said, "Then you should really start with Moses 1"  And there it is Moses encountering God and being physically exhausted afterwards.  And the Spirit said, "and you want to see God, but a couple little work outs at the gym leave you sore?  Do you really think you are ready for the physical toll of an encounter with God?"  And I remembered another part of the talk/interview I'd listened to he talked about the laws about what to eat having things in common with the word of wisdom, and there being a connection between health and spirituality.  And this was a HUGE "Ah ha" moment for me.  Surely ALL commandments ARE spiritual.  The LDS Church teaches the word of wisdom like a way to live longer, and sometimes that drugs and alcohol can interfere with feeling the influence of the Spirit, but this brings a whole new insight and reason to be healthy.  Joseph Smith was a farmer and they are strong!  And he was tired after encounters with God.  Now, I'll be working out with a completely different motivation than I started with!  If my health has been something preventing the ability to encounter the divine I will do what it takes to regain the physical stamina I once had before having kids.  Let God and your love for Them and your desire to return to Their presence motivate you to gain the physical stamina to be able to withstand such an encounter. 

Stuck in an Eddy in the River of Life

Yesterday and this morning I've been pouring my heart out to God asking for answers and asking for help.  My husband is working 60 hr weeks at two jobs, and with my kids home all day for the summer I feel like I'm barely maintaining my household, and not very well at that.  If I get any cleaning done in one room I'm sure to find another that my kids have messed up worse than the one I was just cleaning.  I don't feel like I'm making any progress in any areas of my life right now.  Then while praying this morning the word popped into my head, "eddy," so I asked God, "Who's Eddy? I don't know anyone named Eddy."  I can feel Him almost laughing at me, "Not 'Who?' what!" It suddenly clicks!  I'm in an eddy in the river of life right now.  Just swirling around not really going forward or backward.  What are the eddies of life for?  What should I do about it?  The answer came to just keep doing what I can to strengthen myself and to practice the essential things I really need to master as a mother and homemaker.  Once I'm strong enough I'll be able to break out of the eddy without getting swept away by the current or smashed on the rocks up ahead.  Life isn't like the lazy kind of rivers I see in Kansas it's more like the mountain rivers and streams that have rapids, cascades, and waterfalls with huge rocks every where.  So I should be thankful for the little eddies too that give me the time to strengthen myself and prepare for what is coming down stream, even though I can only really see a small unsure glimpse of what's downstream from where I am.  And most of all it's okay to be in an eddy for a while now and then.  They are there for a reason.

The Truth About Relief Society Part 4: More Teachings in the Navoo Relief Society

If you have not yet read Part 1, Part 2, or Part 3 of this series I recommend reading them first before proceeding with this post.

Joseph Smith at the Nineth Meeting

Joseph Smith addressed the Sisters next in their Nineth meeting.  All their meetings between his talk in the sixth meeting and in the ninth were rather more business oriented than spiritually oriented, aside from some talks about avoiding evil in one of the meetings.  Again quotes in this post will be taken from the Navoo Relief Society Minute Book.

In his talk in the ninth meeting Joseph Smith warned the Sisters to avoid some pit falls he could see in the church as a whole, and some within the Society as well.  "Prest. J. Smith rose, read the 14th Chap. of  Ezekiel— said the Lord had declar’d by the prophet that the people should each one stand for himself  and depend on no man or men in that state of corruption of the Jewish church— that righteous persons could only deliver their own souls— applied it to the present state of the church of Latter-Day Saints— said if the people departed from the Lord, they must fall— that they were depending on the prophet hence were darkened in their minds from neglect of themselves" (p. 51)  We should only rely on God and whenever we put a man between us and God we are inhibiting our own progress.  But to rely on God means you actually have to be responsible to build your own relationship with Him.  It takes real work.  Thus why it is the narrower and less followed path.

The rest of Joseph's Talk was largely focused on avoiding gossip: "the tongue is an unruly member— hold your tongues about things of no moment, — a little tale will set the world on fire."  And later in the talk,  "I do not want to cloak iniquity— all things contrary to the will of God, should be cast from us, but don't do more hurt than good with your tongues— be pure in heart— Jesus designs to save the people out of their sins. Said Jesus ye shall do the work which ye see me do— These are the grand key words for the Society to act upon." (p. 52-53)  Let us use our words to uplift, and inspire one another.  Learning the sin of another is only helpful insomuch as it gives us an opportunity to forgive, and to learn not to make the same mistake ourselves; any other purpose is not of an uplifting nature and should therefore be avoided.

Bishop Whitney at the Tenth Meeting

At first, I was only going to focus on Joseph Smith's teachings, but as I read the talk presented by Bishop Whitney at the tenth meeting I was moved to include some of it here.  He says, "We must humble ourselves and live by the rule given for our practice— we must lose sight of vain things and  remember that the eye of God is upon us. If we are striving to do right, altho’ we may err in judgment many times yet we are justified in the sight of God if we do the best we can according to our judgment. We need not go astray if we will strive in all the energy of our souls to do right." (p. 58-59 emphasis added)  He did not teach to rely on his judgment or even Joseph's judgment, but each on their own judgment, but that is not enough, once you have made a judgment about a thing you must act with all the energy of your soul.  Any who act with this kind of energy will soon find out through such an experiment whether or not they are acting right on the matter, if they are humble enough to be willing to learn whether they err.  Later he continues, "We must prove all things and hold fast that which is good.  There are blessings lying before which are worth striving to obtain. It is our duty to humble ourselves— it  is our most reasonable service to do it— must proceed to receive grace for grace, light and intelligence— if  we have intelligence we have power."  Humility is the willingness and desire to learn; line upon line, and grace for grace is the way to learn. 

He continues on to talk about unity saying, "We may have different views of things, still there is some criterion which all may come to, and by bringing our minds and wills into subjection to the law of the Lord, may come to unity. It is impossible while finding fault with one another to be united." (p. 59)  When we concern ourselves with our own path to God and allow others to worry about their own paths without fear of judgment, that is the beginning of unity.

Joseph Smith at the Eleventh Meeting

At the next meeting Joseph Smith addressed the sisters again this time on the importance of fellow shipping one another with kindness and of avoiding self-righteousness.  "Christ was condemn’d  by the righteous jews because he took sinners into his  society— he took them up on the principle that they repented of their sins. It is the object of this Society to reform persons, not to take those that are corrupt, but if they repent we are bound to take them and by kindness sanctify and cleanse from all unrighteousness, by our influence in watching over them. . . . Nothing is so much calculated to lead people to forsake sin as to take them by the hand and watch over them with tenderness. When persons manifest the least kindness and love to me, O what pow’r it has over my mind, while the opposite course has a tendency to harrow up all the harsh feelings and depress the human mind." (p. 61-62) The importance of using kindness and love in helping others is a simple matter of human behavior and our natural tendency to get defensive when accused.  To give kindness to those we perceive as being 'not as worthy' gives us the opportunity to grow a friendship and perhaps learn they are not so unworthy as we think, and we might learn of our own deficiencies through the challenges of being kind to someone in whatever way different from us.  Joseph continues,  "All the religious world is boasting of righteousness — tis the doctrine of the devil to retard the human mind and retard our progress, by filling us with selfrighteousness— The nearer we get to our heavenly Father, the more are we dispos’d to look with compassion on perishing souls— to take them upon our shoulders and cast their sins behind our back. I am going to talk to all this Society— if you would have God have mercy on you, have mercy on one another." (p. 62) He continues, "We are full of selfishness—  the devil flatters us that we are very righteous, while we  are feeding on the faults of others— We can only live by worshipping our God— all must do it for themselves—  none can do it for another." (p. 63)  Knowing we are each on our own path to God and that none can do it for another should be a very humbling thought.  We should be seeking knowledge for ourselves, and kindness and patience for others as they seek it for themselves.

Final Thoughts

I hope this series has been uplifting and enlightening for my readers.  As I've read these Minutes I've had a sort of idea formulated of just what Zion might be like and what Joseph wanted for the early Saints that they collectively didn't seem to fully grasp.  I don't know if I fully grasp it myself, but I sure am closer than I was before.  As we fill our hearts with Love and not judgment, with humility and not self-righteousness, with patience and long suffering and not anger, as we make our focus our own relationship with Christ and not focus on man, we will each be that much closer to establishing the Kingdom of God again on the Earth.  It can happen!  God has made it possible through the grace of Christ's atonement.  And Blessed be the name of the Father forever for giving us the power of deliverance through His Son Jesus Christ.  My God bless you on your journey wherever it takes you!

The Truth about Relief Society Part 2: Joseph Smith's Teachings

If you haven't already read Part 1 I recommend reading it first.

Joseph Smith's Teachings From the 6th Meeting

In the sixth meeting of the Female Relief Society of Navoo, Joseph Smith wished to address the sisters, but before doing so "That as his instructions were intended only for the Society; he requested that a vote should be taken on those present who were not members to ascertain whether they should be admitted." (JSP Navoo Relief Society Minute Book p. 34)  Some sisters were given a "no" vote and before proceeding with the meeting a committee was appointed to inquire about the objections. The committee returned at the end of the meeting to present their results and the objections against one of the women was removed. (ibid p. 41) (This could be examined too in relation to how "no" votes are handled now, but for that discussion I will just direct you here as the purpose of this post is only the topic of Relief Society.)  Joseph Smith wanting this teaching to only be for the Relief Society sisters, shows both the seriousness of the topic and a certain amount of what was going on in the church at the time as you will see.

In just the previous meeting one sister spoke in tongues, followed by a sister who interpreted, and one who prophesied, and after the conclusion of the meeting two sisters administered to one who was sick and healed her. (ibid p. 32-33)  Reports of this meeting came to Joseph and so he chose to address the sisters at the following meeting.  He taught from Corinthians about the gifts of the Spirit.  "He said the reason of these remarks being made, was, that some little thing was circulating in the Society, that some persons were not going right in laying hands on the sick etc.  Said if he had common sympathies, would rejoice that the sick could be healed." (ibid p. 35-36)  He continued on "no matter who believeth; these signs, such as healing the sick, casting out devils etc. should follow all that believe whether male or female.  He asked the Society if they could not see by this sweeping stroke, that wherein they are ordained, it is the privilege of those set apart to administer in that authority which is confired on them -- and if the sisters should have faith to heal the sick, let all hold their tongues, and let everything roll on." [emphasis added] (ibid p. 36)  Today in the Ordain Women movement women are only asking for what Joseph Smith gave them in the first place, and they are being excommunicated for doing so.  Joseph Smith continued to teach the sisters, "Respecting the female laying on hands, he remarked, there could be no devil in it if God gave His sanction by healing -- that there could be no more sin in any female laying hands on the sick than with wetting the face with water -- that it is no sin for anybody to do it that has faith, or if the sick has faith to be healed by the administration." (ibid p. 36)  He cautioned the sisters about speaking in tongues "If any have a matter to reveal let it be in your own tongue. Do not indulge too much in the gift of tongues, or the devil will take advantage of the innocent.  You may speak in tongues for your comfort but I lay this down for a rule that if any thing is taught by the gift of tongues it is not to be received for doctrine." (ibid p. 40-41) Joseph Smith taught the sisters in his day they had the same power to do the the same things as the men, because these were Spiritual Gifts that all who believe have access to.  And the spiritual gifts he spoke of were those found in the scriptures namely tongues, the interpretation of tongues, prophesy, knowledge, wisdom, healing, and being healed.

He next taught them about maintaining their proper place and order within their Society.  "President Smith continued by speaking of the difficulties he had to surmount ever since the commencement of the work in consequence of aspiring men 'big great Elders' as he called them, who had caused him much trouble, whom he had taught in private counsel and they would go forth into the world and proclaim the things he had taught them; as their own revelations -- Said the same aspiring disposition will be in this Society, and must be guarded against -- that every person should stand and act in the place appointed, and thus sanctify the Society and get it pure" He then spoke about not having long and not having many opportunities to teach them, "He spoke of delivering the keys to this Society and to the church." [emphasis added] (ibid p.37) If Emma and her counselors held keys as the leaders of the Relief Society they had just as much a claim to the continued line of authority as did the 12 apostles according to this quote.  And in the context of the church being plagued with aspiring men who had their own goals and not the welfare of the church in mind, the claim of these three sisters' authority might even be more legitimate.  "He said if one member becomes corrupt and you know it; you must immediately put it away.  The sympathies of the heads of the church have induced them to bare with those that were corrupt; in consequence of which all become contaminated --" (ibid p. 38)  No wonder Emma chose not to go west following after men her own husband admitted were corrupt and contaminated. This teaching to the sisters of the church shows that the leaders of the church were already embarking on the road to apostasy, and not only was it very possible for the church to be led astray it was something to very carefully be guarded against.

Joseph Smith also taught of the urgency and importance of doing good and seeking a relationship with God.  "If you do right, no danger of going too fast: he said he did not care how fast we run in the path of virtue.  Resist evil and there is no danger."  When after speaking of their gift for charity some quote often used in the church he continues with things you will never hear at church, "if you live up to your privilege, angels can not be restrained from being your associates -- females if they are pure and innocent can come into the presence of God; you must be innocent or you cannot come up before God.  If we would come before God let us be pure ourselves.  The Devil has great power -- he will so transform things as to make one gape at those who are doing the will of God -- you need not be tearing for their deeds, but let the weight of innocence be felt; which is more mighty than a millstone hung about the neck.  Not war, not jangle, not contradiction, but meekness, love, purity, these are the things that should magnify us. ... iniquity must be purged out -- then the veil will be rent and the blessings of heaven will flow down." (ibid p. 38)  Joseph Smith believed it was possible and wanted the sisters to come into the literal presence of God in this life.  It was something for them to strive for and seek.

Part 3 will contrast these teachings with what the LDS church teaches today.

Auras, Energy Fields, Their differences, Energy healing and what exactly it does

(A post I wrote back in January and some how thought I published when I hadn't)

So, here is what I have come to know, and how it influences my outlook on energy healing. First we consist of a body and a spirit. Both of these are in human form, and the spirit resides inside our body and makes us alive. The body has an energy field or electro-magnetic field closely surrounding it. A youtube video I watched about how to learn to see auras was really about how to see the energy field. The energy field also has meridians within the body that allow the energy to flow, and chakras that sort of pool and collect certain energies. These chakras should be regularly cleared of any negative emotions which have gotten stuck there. The chakras also sort of bridge and connect your body and spirit together.

The aura (for lack of a better word to call it to distinguish it from the energy field) is part of our spiritual side of our being and is much more complex than our energy field. It can move as we will it to. It connects us with the Holy Ghost, and it can protect us from evil spirits as we strengthen it. No person can access it without our permission. I heard of someone who had the spiritual gift of seeing auras, and she could not just see some energy surrounding their body, she also saw things they were interested in, their talents and hobbies sort of floating around them. An energy healer can use their own aura to assist their energy field in their work, but it is only to access the client's energy field.

Energy healing is to help people clear emotional energy that got stuck in a meridian or chakra or sometimes in other places in the body. These emotions can be resentments we don't want to let go or that we don't know how to let go, or bad paradigms we learned when we were young particularly about yourself. Many suffer from beliefs about themselves they just don't know how to overcome. That they are unlovable, or unimportant, or failures. These beliefs become self-fulfilling prophesies as situations they are in they will subconsciously sabotage, till it fits their paradigms and proves them right. Energy healing helps to locate and then allow the good energy to flow again.  

There are multiple modes of energy healing from things as simple as kissing boo-boos to modes as complex as accupuncture.  Some are more geared toward physical ailments, and some are more geared towards emotional ones.  Often physical ailments can have emotional causes, so the two will be interrelated.  A massage therapist who also talks you through releasing a stress so that they can get a stubborn knot out.   Or a counseling session that ends up through emotional healing inadvertantly healing some physical ailment that has been bothering you for years.

The Truth about Relief Society Part 1: The Founding and Origional Organization

My experience that prompted this post

You never know how little authority women in the church have till you are called to a position in which you think you can do something meaningful, just to find out you can't even plan a single topic without permission from a man.  We take such pride in saying Relief Society is the oldest women's organization in the world, but how is it a women's organization if we have to get permission from a man who isn't part of said organization to do anything within it?  To me this doesn't make any sense at all.  I wouldn't mind if women never get the priesthood, but can we at least get control over our own organization again? The High Priests, and Elders can organize their own activities, extend their own callings and fulfill their responsibilities all on their own.  Why should the women need the oversight and supervision of the Bishop to do the same things?  We are treated not like equals but like children.  We don't want the priesthood so we can be Bishops, or Elders (at least most that I know of).  Men can have those callings, we just want the freedom to do what we like within our own organization.  In attempting to plan a gathering outside of normal Sunday services I have to get permission for the topic AND the teacher of the topic.  Apparently this control over the women has been going on for well over 60 years.

So what was Relief Society when it was founded?  Let's look at what Relief Society was when organized by Joseph Smith.  With the Joseph Smith Papers we can go straight to the source and read about the organization of Relief Society straigh from their own meeting minutes:

"President Smith further remarked that an organization to show them how to go to work would be sufficient. He proposed that the Sisters choose a presiding officer to preside over them, and let the presiding officer choose two counselors to assist in the duties of her office -- that he would ordain them to preside over the Society -- and let them preside just as the Presidency presides over the church and if they need instruction -- ask him, he will give it from time to time." [emphasis added] (JSP Nauvoo Relief Society Minute Book p.7-8)

Notice the women choose the leader, and she chooses counselors, all Joseph did is propose the organization and ordain the women they chose to lead them. They can ask him for instruction but he did not mandate anything in the form of policies or anything else, a Constitution was all up to them to create for themselves.

"If any Officers are wanted to carry out the designs of the Institution, let them be appointed and set apart, as Deacons, Teachers, etc. are among us. . . .

"He then suggested the propriety of electing a Presidency to continue in office during good behavior, or so long as they shall continue to fill the office with dignity etc. like the first Presidency of the Church.

"Motioned by Sister Whitney and seconded by Sister Packard that Mrs. Emma Smith be chosen President -- Passed unanimously --" (ibid p.8)

The ONLY role of the priesthood in Relief Society was to ordain the women to offices within the Society, not even to propose or vote on who those sisters should be!!!  Joseph Smith did not call Emma to be the first President of Relief Society, the sisters did by common consent.  Relief Society had it's own funds, and it's own treasurer, and was not dependent on the Church for it's financial means to carry out it's purposes.  Joseph Smith gave the first donation of $5, and after the minutes of each meeting a record was kept of donations including who gave and the amount.  The men present for the initial organization and naming of the Society withdrew before the choice of secretaries and treasurer were made.  (ibid p. 13)

Sisters who wanted to join the Female Relief Society of Navoo had to apply and their membership be voted on by common conent of those who already belonged (this is an action at the begining of each meeting, the sustaining of new members), just as men admitted to the priesthood are sustained by common consent then and still today.  Every meeting (except one when Joseph Smith thought they were growing too fast) started with the sustaining of new members, and a list of those who were added to the Society.  Early meetings talked about the importance of avoiding evil, and in the third meeting Joseph Smith said, "none should be received into the Society but those who were worthy -- proposed that the Society go into a close examination of every candidate." (ibid p. 22)  Much of this responsibility fell to Emma.  

What has Changed?

Today the men decide who will be in various positions in Relief Society and the men decide how much money from church funds can be used by the Relief Society, the men decide what topics we can teach and when and who can teach them. Voting on new members who wish to join has been done away now and any female member of the church over the age of 18 is automatically a member of Reilief Society. We don't make our own lessons, and we don't have our own funds to administer relief with.  Really we don't do any administering relief any more.  We do some service to those who need it from time to time, but most of our ability to give relief has been crippled by the church burocracy (speaking from my own experience and observation).  We instead create our own new organizations (like the Liahona Children's Foundation) separate from the church when we find a need of relief because we can't give relief in Relief Society any more.

Continue to Part 2

"Whoso is looked upon to be lusted after....no wait...That's not right...

I've recently discovered some things about my past, and beliefs about myself that caused physical problems as I was growing from a girl to a woman.  There are some things that are fundamentally wrong about the way the church I grew up in taught modesty. (For example the end of this.) I was taught modesty to such a standard that if a boy or man looked at me and was aroused I was pornography, and it caused serious psychological, and emotional damage.

When men put the blame for their thoughts on women the message it sends us is that our very identity as women is something to be ashamed of. For me growing up it meant guys couldn't be trusted.  If I was the one responsible to keep their thoughts pure clearly they had no self-control.  As I began growing into a woman I grew my hair long and always wore it down to try to hide my developing chest behind it. I was often distracted by my own endeavors to NOT be porn. I felt that growing from a girl to a woman was something to fear and be ashamed of. Then all the while thinking I must be exceptionally ugly because I never went on any dates. This is what these ideas do to women. It teaches them that they need to hide who they are and can't even embrace the shape their body takes (which they don't even have control over) because our shape is evil and turns us into porn if a man chooses to look at us wrong. If guys have a right to not be distracted by girls, shouldn't girls also have a right to not be distracted by whether or not they have sufficiently concealed their identity as growing women? (I ask this more rhetorically.  Really neither is a right, both are a choice.)  Men have no idea how hurtful and damaging this mentality and message really is. The rare occurrence that I might receive a cat call meant I had failed in my attempts to be invisible and had become porn and was therefore evil. Not because of anything I had done, but because a man had chosen to acknowledge my presence in an inappropriate manner. Teenage years are hard enough for girls without putting these extra burdens on them. There was essentially no win for me because I was only judging my self worth by what boys thought of me, and there was no room for them to think anything good.  I was either ugly or I was porn.  My interpretation of the teachings I received about modesty allowed for nothing else.  I was taught no other ideas with which I could decide my own philosophy about modesty.  There was no middle ground in which I could be acknowledged to have beauty without being an evil temptress.  Our girls deserve so much better than this.

(If you get squeamish about women's monthly cyclical nature you might want to skip this paragraph.)  So as a teenager I put tons of emotional energy into fighting my own womanhood.  This negative energy manifested in debilitating cramps every month throughout my period, and sometimes being sick too.  My mother was so awkward too, that I had no clue what was going on with my body.  It took a good couple years before I even connected the two events (my periods, and the debilitating cramps that accompanied them).  I thought I would just lay an egg roughly the diameter of a hair. I hadn't a clue why I was bleeding and cramping, it was just a topic we weren't to talk about.  Now I've embraced my womanhood and the four babies I've miraculously brought into this world and then nourished with sustenance created by my own body, and remarkably enough my periods are very mild in nature now.  I'm still working on healing and validating my feminine side, but I'm far better off than I was before I had children.  I actually know now what is happening with my body and I work with it rather than against it. By teaching girls that womanhood is shameful we cause the majority of problems girls have as they grow and develop into women.  Instead I think girls wouldn't have such hard periods if we taught them that womanhood is a beautiful, wonderful, and miraculous thing that should be celebrated.

The messages we tell our sons and daughters matter very much.  Our sons and daughters are responsible for their own thoughts and actions, and teaching them that girls are porn if not dressed properly is an abusive lie with all kinds of damages it can do to the minds, hearts, and bodies of our boys and girls as they try to navigate their already difficult transition to adulthood.  By teaching the boys that girls are porn we teach them to have anger and resentment toward every girl who they think is not sufficiently covered to prevent an improper thought. Instead we should teach them to control their thoughts and to treat women respectfully regardless of what they are wearing. (demonstrated here) We have been teaching them to judge women based on their appearances, and not their character.  Our emphasis on appearance is in complete contradiction with scripture.  For more about that I recommend this post.  If we flipped this over and said this about men it would sound ridiculous as demonstrated by this brilliant satire.  Christ taught, "But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart." (Mathew 5:28).  It is the responsibility of each person to control their own thoughts, and there is a definite difference between appretiating beauty or attractiveness, and lusting after someone.  Perhaps if we taught this difference more instead of being so focused on woman=porn maybe boys could look at a woman without thinking about porn.  We condition them to think this way by focusing so much on the negative and not giving any teaching on how they SHOULD look at a woman.  Let's teach our boys how to look at a woman as a daughter of Heavenly Parents who made her beautiful just the way she is.

American culture has become a culture of shame, and that's what needs to stop. We shame women for being attractive, we shame men for looking at them, we shame drug addicts for having an addiction, we shame parents for making informed choices about their children instead of blindly following experts. There isn't anyone void of the shame American culture tries to put on them. Why can't we all just leave it behind and love one another as people? For claiming to be Christian we sure lack the love He preached.  A woman should be able to be beautiful without being objectified or slut-shamed.  A man should be able to look at her as a person and give an appropriate, respectful compliment without her fearing sexual assault.  We need to learn as a people to treat each other as people. Girls and women are not porn, they are human beings, and should be loved and respected as such.  To teach that they become porn when not dressed properly dehumanizes and objectifies them, and is no where near what Christ taught or what is in scripture.  If our goal as Christians is to be like Him and follow His example then we need to let go of the focus on outward appearances and start looking into each other's hearts, but since we lack the divine ability to know someone's heart immediately upon looking at them, this would involve talking to one another and actually getting to know one another's hearts, and withholding judgment about their current character until we have.  May we all increase in love toward one another as we seek a better way, even His way.  I love you.  I hope my experience can help others heal from this abuse.  Good luck and may God be with you on your healing journey too.

"Man looketh on the outward appearances but the Lord looketh on the heart."

So last night I was having a great conversation with my husband.  We ended up talking about how within the LDS church we've made extensive lists of things to do and things not to do and as long as you follow the lists you'll be fine. So at some point during our conversation last night my husband had his epiphany and this is the analogy he came up with - Checklists are just a giant empty box!  They're so huge, and they look so important, but there's nothing at all inside.  They are completely empty unless you're one of the few who figures out how to put something into them.  They're the size of our driveway, and they're black.  They demand our attention and declare themselves to be so important, but they give you nothing.  And I just couldn't agree more!  Yes!  He gets it!

I had tried to explain this to him before, talking about the Pharisees in the Bible, and how we have become a Pharisaical people.  But he's unfamiliar with New Testament scripture, and the analogy was meaningless to him.  I often forget just how different the homes we grew up in really were.  His family read scriptures to check them off a to do list.  There was never really any discussion or teaching involved.  In my home we had gospel discussions all the time.  Some how I was able to see beyond the checklist to the heart and what our heart should be.  Jesus hated the checklists of the Pharisees.  He just wanted people to understand to love one another.  So much is solved with that alone.  We don't do nearly enough teaching about where our heart should be and how to really gain true Charity the pure love of Christ.

My husband came to the conclusion that this was why he fell away from the church during his early adult life.  The list was empty and he never managed to see beyond it to what God really wanted in his heart.  It was just a matter of being too busy doing stuff to do bad stuff.  So when he just didn't really feel like it anymore, and he saw no real purpose in any of it, he went off to do other stuff. 

This is why Christ focused so much more on the heart.  "If you give a gift grudgingly it is counted as if you had retained it."  "When you pray use not vein repetitions to be heard for your much speaking."  "The widow giving her mite gives more that the wealthy with all their tens of thousands."  Why?  Because the widow was giving not just money, she was giving her heart.  The wealthy were just giving their easily disposable income to be seen and praised by others.  They were not giving their heart only a few actions on their checklist to heaven.  People who use vein repetitions in their prayers aren't even really praying.  They are going through the motions, but their heart is looking sideways to see who of their fellow men is impressed by their prayer.  Their heart is not connecting to God the way prayer is supposed to help it do.

So here's the thing. The giant black demanding checklist box doesn't have heaven inside, it has emptiness.  Emptiness is all you can gain by focusing on the checklist outside you.  But when you stop looking at the checklist and look up to God, and then He directs your attention inward.  You would be surprised to learn how many things on the list He really doesn't care about.  It's a man-made list.  He didn't build the box, we did.  He wants our heart.  He wants our love.  He wants us to love each other.  And it breaks His heart when we are so focused on our outward appearances that we neglect to see that the whole time we were so focused on the list Satan had a heyday wreaking havoc in our hearts, and we didn't even notice.  Then we realize one day that we are no where near the narrow path we thought we were on, and we look back at our tracks to see where we came off it, and we realize we were never on it in the first place.  God looks on the inward parts of us, at our mind and heart and desires, and until those parts are cleansed and united with God EVERYTHING on your list is MEANINGLESS and will not save you in the least. 

So I ask, "Have ye felt this mighty change of heart?  And if so do ye feel so now?"  We each have the choice to repent and not just change what checklist we are using each day, but actually have a real change in our hearts as we choose to devote them to the God who is eagerly waiting to embrace us.  He and She and their Son are waiting to embrace you.  Come unto Them.  May you have a beautiful reunion with Them.  They love you so much!

"Love thy neighbor as thyself..."

Some time ago, my husband went to bed early, and I had time to myself in the evening.  I finished reading a chapter from the book Feelings Buried Alive Never Die.  It talked about love and the power love has to heal and to cast off fear.  And so loving oneself is important to being able to heal.  Also loving the situation you are in so you will be open to learning what you need to to be able to grow and improve your situation.  The book obviously expresses it better and more extensively.
I was very inspired, and decided to meditate to open my chakras and pray before bed. I was almost immediately able to feel the energy flowing through me.  I still went through each chakra. It was the most relaxing and rejuvenating evening I'd had for a while, and it reminded me how good it feels to really take time for myself.

 Now I'm much further in the book and have seen the power of the healing tool it gives you.  I remember while going to therapy for depression it seemed no matter how many times I told myself I loved myself I just couldn't seem to get myself to FEEL it.  All positive affirmations just felt like lies to me.  They did nothing.  I could think I matter and my needs matter, but however hard I tried it seemed my feelings just didn't believe me.  It took years of therapy to convince myself that my needs do matter, though I still thought they didn't matter as much as everyone else's.  Now it's been a good couple weeks since I first used the tool to teach myself to love myself, and to believe that I and my needs matter.  The changes have been subtle (likely because I had already been working on these things for years.) but I take the time drink water when I'm thirsty, I remember to take my vitamins, I've started eating fruits and vegetables again and I've managed to create a healthier balance between caring for and meeting the needs of my family, and meeting my own needs.  So far it has been better than the ways therapy worked.  I would discover a problem and it would take the next 6 months to a year to try to work through it, white-knuckling it and trying to just tell myself to feel better already, just to relapse again with the next fluctuation in my hormones. This feels like the real healing I'd been seeking all that time.

As always good luck on your journey.  I can't recommend this book enough.  It has been a total game changer for me, and for others I've used it to help as well.  More than anything we need more people to love themselves so they can better feel God's love and extend it to others.  We are to love our neighbor as our self, but are a society of people who don't even love ourselves.  As we learn to love ourselves our capacity to love other greatly increases.  As we each choose to heal ourselves we then will be able to heal our communities, states, and countries.  The answer to all the problems in politics isn't in who we elect.  (When I see a candidate actually sincerely love people I might start to care about politics again.)  It starts within ourselves.  Love yourself, then turn around and love your neighbor, and when you do you won't be able to help but want to help him out.  This is how God works.  Let us start within ourselves first.

"The Lord maketh no such things known unto us..."

How many of us go to class studying the Book of Mormon, and we talk about how great Nephi is, and how bad Laman and Lemuel are, but then when it comes to having the faith that we can have visions just as Nephi did we hear things like, "But most of us just get a feeling in our heart."  Or even this quote from a general authority which was then quoted by other general authorities stating:  "[We] should [bear] in mind that some of the General Authorities have had assigned to them a special calling; they possess a special gift; they are sustained as prophets, seers, and revelators, which gives them a special spiritual endowment in connection with their teaching of the people. They have the right, the power, and authority to declare the mind and will of God to his people, subject to the over-all power and authority of the President of the Church. Others of the General Authorities are not given this special spiritual endowment and authority covering their teaching; they have a resulting limitation, and the resulting limitation upon their power and authority in teaching applies to every other officer and member of the Church, for none of them is spiritually endowed as a prophet, seer, and revelator. Furthermore, as just indicated, the President of the Church has a further and special spiritual endowment in this respect, for he is the Prophet, Seer, and Revelator for the whole Church."  In other words, "The Lord maketh such things known unto us (The First presidency and Quorum of the Twelve Apostles), but ye need not inquire of the Lord for He maketh no such things known unto you. Now sit down, be quiet, and follow the damn prophet!  oops, I mean our beloved prophet."  We hear this sort of thing so much that even when we try to shake off the chains of unbelief we still fall into this trap on a subconscious level.  Only the church's elite are allowed to receive revelation and if you think you did then you are obviously getting it from the wrong source.  At least this is what they want us to think.  But who are we to tell God who he can and can't give certain spiritual gifts to?  If God wants to He can call and make anyone worthy a prophet, or seer, or revelator.  Does being sustained automatically give you those gifts?  No, it only gives you the responsibility to seek them out.

We hear this idea so often that we start to believe it.  It's most typical form is the admonition to follow the prophet instead of following the Spirit and the direct revelation we can receive from God for ourselves.  I remember a time when being taught to confirm the truth of things taught was a normal occurrence.  Now that seems to have faded from our teaching with a huge emphasis on following the prophet replacing it.  As I've been trying to increase my relationship with God, and remove all the unbelief I thought this was the first thing to go.  It has to go to make room for the belief in personal revelation.  But as I was discussing with some friends a frustration I have about not knowing what to do with my Sundays as a family to make it a better day of worship, one person talked about having the Lord guide what we should do.  And the first thought that came to my mind was that the Lord wouldn't tell me, and that I couldn't get the guidance I wanted from Him.  Then I had a huge epiphany.  "Oh my goodness!  I am Laman and Lemuel!  I've had this idea drilled into me so much I've come to believe like they did that, 'The Lord maketh no such thing known unto us.' (1 Nephi 15:9)"  When reading the scriptures it becomes clear that the reason God didn't talk to Laman and Lemuel is because they never humbled themselves to ask.  Each of Lehi's sons could have had Nephi's vision for themselves but Nephi was the only one who asked for it. 

For every step forward I make I have to fight off an old paradigm that has kept me in spiritual bondage and has been inhibiting my progress.  This deeply ingrained belief that the most God will ever guide me is through vague feelings and never a more direct revelation has held me back on many occasions.  Everyone has every right to receive revelation and in ways that are more than just feelings. Anyone who tells you they are between you and the Lord is seeking to put you into spiritual bondage under them.  If God is the leader let us each be led directly by Him!  The ONLY middle man in your salvation is the Lord Jesus Christ himself.  He is the middle man because He did the work.  He paid for your sins after He lived a perfect life.  And praise be to the Father for sending Him.  We each have a spiritual mission in this life to fulfill, and if we continue to believe that we can't get our own revelation for our own life we will never come to a place that God can teach us what it is and how to fulfill it.  Now awake and arise from the dust.  Shake off the chains which have you bound.  Fear not but be believing.  Whatever heartaches you have to bare will bring you that much closer to the Savior who carried the ultimate heartache, even the sins of the world.  And He will be your comfort as you bare yours.

"Be not children in understanding..."

Last night I went shopping and brought along my oldest (4) son. When we were in the parking lot at the first store we went to he saw the full moon and got very excited pointed at it saying "Mom, mom, the moon, moon!"
"Yes, sweetie, it's a full moon tonight."
At the next store he saw it again and exclaimed, "Mom, mom, another moon! Two moons, mom!" I explained it was the same moon and we could just see it from another location, but he was sure he was right, "No mom, two moons!"

How often do we think we are right when we might not be?  From our observations and limited understanding the conclusion we come to seems the only one that could be true.  It has to be right.  It makes so much sense.  Of course there's two moons.  I saw one and it was in one place, and now I see another in a totally different place.  It must be another moon.  There's just no other logical explanation!  (At least none that a four-year-old can understand.)  But if when he gets older he never allows me to teach him differently there are many other things he will also lack understanding about, because one false conclusion will lead to many others.  Now, as a parent I'm not too worried about this.  As his brain develops he will be capable of understanding different concepts than he can now.  I expect he will give up the idea that there are two moons long before he enrolls in a college astronomy class.  For all I know he will forget the idea completely by the end of the week.

Sometimes when it comes to the gospel we seem to be satisfied with the understanding of a child, and have quit seeking after the mysteries of God.  We're perfectly satisfied thinking there are two moons, and how dare God try to tell us otherwise.  The apostle Paul wrote, "Brethren, be not children in understanding, howbeit, in malice be ye children, but in understanding be men." (1Cor. 14:20)  How do we gain greater understanding than that of a child?  First we must be willing to put aside foolish or childish notions when presented with new knowledge.  We must be humble enough to admit when we are wrong, and be willing to follow a different path when we learn a better way.  And then be willing to do it yet again, and again, as we come to better and better understandings of God's truths.  Sometimes we have to be patient while walking a new path for the understanding to come as to why we are on this new path.  God might give us a new instruction and we might have to follow it for some time before he enlightens our minds with the understanding we are seeking.  But He will give it to us when we are ready.  We have to trust in His promises that He will teach us here a little and there a little.  This means that we must live in such a way that we are preparing to receive greater understanding.  If we are given a new instruction and do not follow it we show God that we are satisfied with our childish understanding and don't want the further light and knowledge He has to offer us.  The more we follow God the more He will continue to teach us.

The decision to think we know enough is the most dangerous decision we can make in this life.  That is when we will start to lose even that which we have.  Repentance is ultimately when we choose to soften our heart and say to God, "I'm sorry I've been dwindling and stagnating.  Please give me strength to change and teach me more about Thy kingdom."

In the pursuit of understanding a personal revelation journal is key.  The first place to seek more knowledge is in the scriptures.  Are we reading them to check them off a to do list, or do we come to them with a question, search out the topic we need particular growth in, and pray and ponder on it as we read so we can be inspired as to what to change in that aspect of our life?  Another way to seek knowledge and understanding is through prayer.  Our prayers need to be real two way communication with God.  Ask Him a question and wait for the answer.  Write the answer in your journal even while you are still in the act of praying.  Prayer doesn't always have to be kneeling with eyes shut and arms folded.  That is what we teach our children so they will stop poking each other and making faces.  If we as adults still have to do this just to focus on our prayer then we've not grown beyond a child's understanding of prayer, and will consequently never get much more than a child's answers.  You can walk, and write and still be in the act of praying, and it becomes a powerful tool when used together with a revelation journal.  Prayer and scripture study might be typical answers but they don't have to be done the typical way.  Do what feels right for you and your journey.

As always, I love you.  These are the things that have helped me in my journey, and I hope they will help you in yours.  Let us all progress beyond a child's understanding as we seek a real relationship with our Savior, and Redeemer.

"Thy faith hath made thee whole..."

I had the most amazing day yesterday.  I had felt my progress stop some time ago, which is why I haven't written for a while.  There just wasn't anything worth writing about. I was stagnating and I hated it.  Well, I was finally able to afford an online class for empaths, and it's a three part class and I was so hungry for knowledge I listened to the whole first section yesterday.  After my kids went to bed I filled my time with prayer and meditation and some journal writing.  It was the most wonderful evening I've had for some time.  I had been in a state that I wanted so much to help others I was impatient with my own progress and as a result my progress stopped.  I just wanted to get my stuff over with so I could hurry up and help others already.  Now I'm willing to be more patient with myself and take all the time I need for my own healing and personal growth.  I am my only responsibility.  Other people are responsible for themselves.  I can only control myself and my own progress.  I can give advice, or tell people things that have helped me but they must then make their own choice to use it to improve themselves.

I talked to my mother who has been afraid to embrace positive qualities and light because my dad is rather negative, and she'd heard that as you embrace positive qualities negative people kind of just leave your life, and you become surrounded by other similarly positive people.  She feared her husband leaving if she decides to embrace positive feelings and thoughts.  I reminded her that love is the most positive energy of all and as long as there is love in her marriage he will choose to embrace light with her rather than leave so he can stay negative.  Our own well being shouldn't be put on hold because we fear losing someone we love who is not necessarily on the same path.  Our paths do not have to be identicle just to have a good marriage, but it helps if they are going in the same general direction.

My husband got home late after a very stressful day at work.  His shoulders were tight and in pain.  He had worked 4 hours on just one sale.  He made mistakes and had to redo things.  He had about everything go wrong that could except for having very patient customers through the process.  I gave him a massage and talked to him about first releasing his stress each time he exhaled.  Then we talked about everything about the experience that he could feel gratitude for.  The customers were patient.  He now knows everything about selling that particular product having done and redone it several times to get it right.  He had had the choice to go home earlier but chose to stay to learn closing procedures, and the other lady working had other customers to help while he handled this complicated sale, and had he gone home she would have been there alone to deal with all of it herself.  (In the end he didn't get to learn closing procedures because the sale took till well after close.)  He earned some good commission we could certainly use.  When I was ready to go to bed he said it was more than just the massage that helped him, and his back and sholders felt completely better and relaxed.  All the pain was gone and he took no medications for it.

In the end I'm full of gratitude that I finally understand my role in healing others, and it is really one of guiding and empowering them with the ability to choose to heal themselves.  Which reminds me of stories of Christ in which He always said it was their faith that made them whole.  I'm begining to understand.  I really don't do anything.  My mother chose whether or not to embrace what I told her as truth or whether she wanted to continue in fear.  My husband chose whether he wanted to embrace stress or gratitude for what happened at work.  Ultimately it was their choice to heal themselves, and mine to heal me.  May God bless you on your journey of healing too.

"Whosoever is angry with his brother shall be in danger of his judgment..."

Learning to conquer my own emotions has been a challenge lately.  My four year old son loves to make piles of things.  And these messes have been a HUGE trigger for me.  Yesterday he emptied all the drawers of the dresser he shares with his brother and sister.  I was so mad it took a lot of energy just to control myself.  He had even taken out the drawers themselves.  Every time I entered the room I was filled with rage at how messy it was and what a huge job cleaning and reorganizing it would be.  I knew I had to overcome these feelings.  I couldn't be productive while I had so much anger, and I would damage my relationship with my son if I gave in to any of the temptations the anger was bringing into my heart.  I yelled and threw things.  I never harmed my son physically, but my outbursts scared him.  I knew I needed to calm down.

I put on some calming heart chakra meditation music, then I used a tapping algorithm for anger, and meditated to clear my chakras.  The next time I entered the bedroom I had no emotion at all and was able to calmly begin working on the problem at hand.  I still have more work to do on it today, but I focused the most on ridding our home of the anger I had felt and filling it with love again.  It has made an amazing difference.  I used to get very emotional about messes in my home.  This habit was damaging to my relationships with my children, and the time wasted being emotional made cleaning them up take much longer than it had to.

Now I think I have tools in place that if I get angry again I can do things right away to rid myself of the anger and be able to really focus on the task at hand.  This is all part of my process of learning my gifts, and healing myself and my home.  I hope to continue to learn how to follow God's command to not be angry, and to love even my enemies, which on certain days seems like my son.  May God bless you on your path toward loving everyone, even your enemies, as well.

"Verily I say unto you that all things unto me are spiritual..."

Today my sister sent me a text asking me to pray for her. She had hurt her back.  She said she could not walk or sit up.  We'd talked about chakras before and after praying for her I sent her a text saying to clear her lower three chakras that are along her back.  After she texted back asking how to do that I decided to call her.  When I called to talk to her she said she had been very angry while doing something in her kitchen. There was a portal in her kitchen, and she twisted her back while reaching down to pick up a shoe of her kids had left on the floor.  As she picked it up she stepped in the portal, and strained her back.  The back pain started when she bent over.  She threw the shoe and then pushed it along the floor with her foot. Afterwards she thought stretching would help her back, so she did some pilates that made it worse.  She had been in so much pain she could not sleep, walk, or sit. Her husband had to take off work and she was lying in bed.

I talked to her about the event, what she had done since (she had gotten two preisthood blessings), and I talked to her about emotional and spiritual problems she was having.  She had closed the portals in her home, but there were more on her property she hadn't had enough energy to do.  She had cast out the associated spirits.  She wasn't angry at her child any more, but was angry at some people in her fellowship group because of problems within the group.  We talked a bit about the need for her to forgive and love them.  She pointed out that she could only control her side of the relationship.  I aknowledged this and emphaised the need for her to take control of her side.  I instructed her first in prayer asking God to help her let go of the anger, forgive, and then have Charity for these people in her life.  After the prayer I led her through a chakra healing meditation session, something I have never done before with anyone.  With each chakra I instructed her to release things I knew specific to her and her situation. When it was over she said she physically was in less pain. By the end of our session she was relaxed enough and the pain was lessened enough to sleep.  I wasn't sure I could actually help her.  I only hoped that I could.  When she told me how much better she felt I was so happy that I had been able to help her despite my huge lack of experience.

She found out later after seeing a chiropractor that she had a comptessed disk, and the associated pulled muscles, which he said is along the same level of pain as a broken rib.  She has gotten through this without going to the hospital or being on pain medication, by using the meditation I taught her.

May God bless you to find whatever healing you need.  If you don't have anyone you think you can ask for help feel free to contact me.

"He that endureth to the end shall have eternal life."

This morning as I was pondering the concept of enduring to the end I realized it is either the least understood doctrine of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, or the most misunderstood doctrine.  I guess I should write about the others first, but they will have to come latter to whatever extent they they are not naturally incorporated here.  There are many sources about Faith, and I would recommend The Lectures on Faith to any of my readers who would like to learn about faith.  I don't think I could teach it better than Joseph Smith so I will leave that to him.

I was reflecting on my Bishop's fifth Sunday lesson in which he talked about the scripture Moses 6:60, "For by the water ye keep the commandment; by the Spirit ye are justified, and by the blood ye are sanctified;"  To me this was clearly about baptism, the gift of the Holy Ghost, and the Sacrament. (I would encourage my reader if they want to study and ponder that particular scripture to study also the verse before, and two verses after it.) Yet these never came up in the discussion of this scripture (perhaps people thought these things were too obvious and not deep enough).  We could have talked extensively about each of them as symbols and how to pursue the things that the ordinances represent.  Instead the discussion was about obedience, following the Spirit, and I guess Christ's grace, we didn't talk much about the third because the bishop said it was the one we don't have to do anything for, because Christ did it for us.  He said obedience and following the Spirit can contradict each other as they did for Nephi when the Spirit told him to kill Laban.  In my mind the Spirit is what we need to be obedient to, so there is never a contradiction as they are part of the same thing.  And the bishop made sure to emphasize that because they contradict each other we are never to tell anyone else what we receive as personal revelation.  (oops.  Here I go.)


So what does this have to do with enduring to the end?  Well, hopefully I can write this clearly.  My thoughts have been jumping around and moving rather quickly this morning.  Enduring to the end needs some terms defined.  Often in the church we think "the end" is either death or judgment as in the end of our mortal existence.  But an "end" will often also mean a goal we have in mind.  What if "the end" can happen before we die, and is a specific goal we should be seeking?  Namely I would say the end we should have in our mind when we say "endure to the end" should be receiving our calling and election sure.  Then I would think that "enduring" is not merely getting through our trials, but rather it is continuing to seek after our end despite our trials and sacrifices that will be asked of us along the way.  Changing what we think of as the end completely changes what it would mean to endure on the journey there.  Enduring till you die, brings to mind the old, "keep on keeping on!"  While enduring to a goal brings to mind working hard to get there and achieve said goal.


To relate this back to the scripture in Moses, when we are baptized we do it to show obedience, and it is a symbol of giving up our old sinful life in favor of a new life that is in line with God's will.  Receiving the baptism of fire and the Spirit is the ability to continuously receive revelation for your life, one or more spiritual gifts, and line upon line, precept upon precept gain intelligence, light and truth and ultimately knowledge of the mysteries of God.  "By the Spirit ye are justified" means that wenever our actions are based on a prompting from the Spirit they are justified.  In the world they say "the end justifies the means," but this is not true.  It is the Spirit that justifies us before God.  An action specific to you (such as Nephi killing Laban) shouldn't be preached as what is right for everyone, we all have different life missions to receive revelation about.  But when it comes to teachings, we are not to hide our candle under a bushel and not share it with anyone.  We should not share mysteries of God that they need to learn for themselves, but things that might help them on that path to gain knowledge of the mysteries for themselves are important to share one with another that all may be edified and rejoice together.  We are to let our light so shine before men that they may see our good works and glorify our Father which is in heaven.  The Sacrament, in which we symbolically take the flesh and blood of Christ, is something we are commanded to take often, and as a repetitive thing should bring us closer and closer to God as we do it.  In the scripture, "by the blood ye are sanctified," the way we take of Christ's blood many times shows that this is a long process to sanctify our souls.  It is not an over night occurrence.  Continually seeking to be sanctified by the blood of Christ is part of enduring to our goal of receiving Him in person to have our calling and election made sure.

I hope the light and truth I share here can help you on your journey of actively working towards your goal of coming unto Christ in the flesh.  This is the desire of my heart and that others might see this, be enlightened thereby, and Glorify the Father who is in Heaven.  God loves you and is waiting for you to come unto Him and be perfected in Christ.  May God bless you on your journey.  I love you.

"In as much as ye have done it unto one of the least of these, ye have done it unto me."

First I would like to make clear my reason for publishing this post.  It is not to gain glory or praise but rather it is to help give others the courage to reach out in love to their fellow man.  God has not led me into harms way, and I trust He will continue to do so.  The world has many needs and until we unitedly work together to help one another there will always be someone in need of a helping hand, a warm meal, a place to sleep, or a feeling of love.  I found one such today, and consider what I did for him to be a small simple thing, hardly worthy of notice, yet not many would do what I did today.

As I have been seeking to be closer to God, I have been praying for the opportunities to help my fellow man and use my gift of empathy and love to benefit others.  Today there was an ice storm, and my husband forgot to bring his ice scraper to work with him.  I offered, and brought it, found his car, and put it in for him so he'd be able to scrape his car off when he gets off work.  On the way out of the parking lot I passed a homeless man with a sign asking for food.  I felt like I needed to go back and help him.  I found a safe place to park and flashed my lights at him.  He came over and I offered to bring him to my home for dinner tonight since I was already planning on feeding company.  He accepted and got in.  He looked around at my four kids in the back of my van and asked if I was babysitting.

"Nope, they're all mine."

He went on to talk about the fact that he's doing what he's doing for survival.  I asked if he had a place to sleep tonight and said I could bring him there after dinner.  He had a daughter but didn't want to ask her for help.  He used to ridicule and judge the homeless.  I mentioned the scripture judge not that ye be not judged.  And we discussed it.  He told me he's a Christian and talked a lot about thinking people shouldn't judge him.  I talked about Christ teaching to care for the poor and the needy, and that that is why I decided to help him.  He asked what sort of gathering I'm having for dinner tonight, and I happened to be signed up to feed the missionaries.  He asked what church I belonged to and I told him, and then he asked hastily, "Is that the real time?"

"Yes, the clock is correct."

"I forgot I'm supposed to meet my sister."  And he gave me directions to drop him off at a church.  I think the prospect of dinner with missionaries scared him off, though it could be that he did in deed forget a meeting with his sister.  Either way I felt good that he could warm his hands and that he had a place to go.  I made it home with just enough time to cook dinner for the missionaries.

During dinner the sisters asked about my day and I told then about my trip out and helping the man with a sign, and his decision to forgo dinner with me when he learned of the missionaries being part of it.  After dinner I had a discussion with the sisters about trying to be close to God and that His Spirit gives me the confidence to do things to help others in need.  I never would have done something like this 3-4 months ago.  But having a prayer in my heart as I go through the day I can have the confidence that if helping someone would jeopardize the safety of myself and my children God would warn me.  But perfect love casteth out all fear, and as I love God more, and my fellow man more, I no longer fear what man can do.  To quote the bishop in Les Miserables, "Have no fear of robbers or murderers.  They are external dangers, petty dangers.  We should fear ourselves.  Prejudices are the real robbers; vices the real murderers.  The great dangers are within us.  Why worry about what threatens our heads or our purses?  Let us think instead of what threatens our souls."  Let us seek love and charity and if we are on the Lords errand he will protect us, but if not we will know that so too were the prophets of old persecuted and killed.  The only real fear is for our souls.

"And the Lord was not in the earthquake, and after the earthquake a still small voice...."

After returning to bed from healing our home and then writing about it, my baby started to stir.  I was exhausted and really needed more sleep before facing a day with my children.  I closed my eyes and pictured my aura again but this time as a soft arm reaching out to comfort my baby, and encompass him in my love.  He soon quieted and went back to sleep.  I was able to sleep as well with the first peaceful happy sleep I'd had for a while.

This morning I read that there was an earthquake in Oklahoma, and the shocks reached up into Kansas where I live, though they were not strong enough here to really feel anything or I slept through it.  I realized that the spiritual "earthquake" (evil portals opening) happens first and is followed by the earth having a physical earthquake.

I was so excited and happy about healing our home I wanted to tell my husband all about it.  As I started to try to explain it he looked at me like I'm crazy, "That sounds like supernatural stuff."

"Well, God IS supernatural.  'Supernatural' is just our word for things science can't explain.  The scriptures are full supernatural events.  In Moroni we are told that if miracles ceased it is because of unbelief."  And I proceeded with my explanation of the events of the night.

"Why would you tell me all this?  I have to leave in 15 min."

"Because I'm so happy I solved the problem and healed our home.  All the problems from the past few days were caused by this."  And we wrapped up the conversation and he left for work.

The kids got up, and for the first time in a while I was motivated to clean my kitchen and living room.  My children were more calm than they had been for the past several days.  They were no more or less rambunctious than their usual selves.  My husband came home feeling sick, and I asked him if he had any questions before he went to lay down.  He didn't but he acknowledged that our home felt happier than it previously had.

The rest of the day was rather uneventful.  I was actually motivated to get my house work done, which hadn't happened the whole time our home was oppressed.  I called my sister and we talked about what happened.  She had a bunch of questions I answered (If you have any feel free to leave a comment).  She asked if I could do it remotely for her home, but I couldn't.  We talked about the spiritual being created before the physical, and how it makes sense that the spiritual portals or rifts would happen before the earthquake.  Then she wondered if the same were true before storms.  We ended up concluding that there are spiritual storms that precede the physical ones.  She has noticed for a long time that her children fight a lot more right before a storm comes, and her husband, a teacher says the same is true for the kids at school.  It was all so very interesting and enlightening to me.

I hope this is helpful and enlightening to you too. As this world continues to have more natural disasters let us not neglect our spiritual preparation that can save us from the spiritual storms.  I love you and God does too.

"We war not with flesh and blood..."

Over the past 3-4 days I've had several problems in my home.  My baby who had been getting up 1-2 times a night was getting up 4-5 times.  My children were making messes in my living room much much faster than normal.  They were making messes in my kitchen too.  They were constantly fighting.  My son would run away into the yard when it was time to get on the school bus.  My husband was having insomnia.  I spent 2 days weeping, I thought because I felt alone in my journey to come unto Christ.  I was retreating from my duties to hide in our office much more than usual (I'm a total introvert and need my quiet time, but this had become excessive).  Old emotional triggers I thought I had healed were back.  I was having trouble connecting to God, I thought because of these old wounds, or because I just didn't have enough faith.

I joined a Facebook group for empaths, and someone there talked about the earth shifting and spiritual portals opening that let mischievous or evil or good spirits into a place.  While nursing my baby the fourth time last night I became aware of such a portal in my bedroom right between the crib and my bed.  I closed my eyes and spread my aura out to the borders of our property and asked it if there were more portals.  Then I started with the yard, was there one there?  yes.  Is there one in the kitchen? yes.  Is there one in the living room? yes.  Is there one in my bedroom?  yes.  Is there one in the bathroom? no.  Is there one in the office? no.  Is there one in the kids' room? no.  I visualized each portal as a tiny tornado and prayed and pictured it retreating back up into the ceiling.  Then I pictured some means of sealing the spiritual wound, until I had done this to each portal, praying and asking the Lord to close and heal them.  Then in the name of Christ I commanded any remaining spirits to depart.

Immediately upon finishing this process I felt peace and love from God fill me.  The only reason I thought I wasn't healed from my emotional wounds from years ago was because these spirits were blocking me from connecting with God at night as I had been doing very readily each night since I decided to seek Him.  I thought my faith must not be strong enough.  I now know I have faith and it is strong.

Everything started to make sense.  The reason my neat tidy 6 year old daughter played with her yogurt the way my 2 year old does.  The reason my kids were wilder and messier than normal.  The reason my son would run off when it was time to get on the bus.  The reason I retreated to the office where there was no portal. I hope to see immediate changes in their behavior just as I had received immediate peace fill me.

I'm so glad the Lord guided me to that Facebook group where there was an answer to my problem I didn't know I had.  God does love me.  He is looking out for me and my family.  He answers our prayers in real and powerful ways, sometimes, maybe often, His answers are set in motion before we even know what to pray for.  Come unto Christ and be made whole.  He can heal you.  He can heal your family.  He can heal your home.  He is all powerful and no problem no matter how insurmountable it may seem to us is too great for Him who gave His life for us.  And praise and glory be to the Father who provided a Savior for us.  A Savior who is continually saving us, not just once when He performed the atonement, but also is saving us NOW.  As we come unto Him He will help us in our fight.  " For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places." (Ephesians 6:12).  The fight is real, and it can be scary, but when we know we aren't fighting alone, perfect love will cast out all fear.  Fear not but be believing!

I love you!  Be of good cheer.  May God bless you in your home too!