Parenting Inspiration

The internet is full of parenting advice.  Mostly of what people think we should not do and with that comes a sence of shame if we every resorted to such a tactic in a desperate hour with our kids.  This post will not be about any of that.  What good does it do to know what not to do if we aren't given an alternative to do instead?  This leads to undisciplined kids disrespecting adults.

I've seen it in my own kids.  I've not known what to do so I tell them to stop doing the undesired behavior, but have no consequence to follow up with because all I can think of are things parenting gurus online say not to do.  So this morning when the kids were fighting and yelling at each other I told them all to go outside.  I figure out door voices belong outside and it makes for a good natural consequence.  But it still didn't address the fighting.  Then while they were getting shoes and coats I had my ah-ha!  All this time I've really wanted to get to their hearts.  None of the online advice or ideas has ever helped with this goal.  My husband, when I have bemoaned this problem, has said they're just too young to get to their hearts yet.

Well today an idea occured to me.  Praise God!  Have them each say five things they love about the person they were fighting with.  First this involved a lot of quiet thinking time.  Then as each one went through the process of voicing and discussing things they love about their sibblings the whole atmosphere of our home changed.  Their anger was gone and they started thinking of ways to show love to each other and ways they could serve each other.  Especially doing things they just heard someone say they love about them. They heard and voiced what they each love about each other and were now focused on the positive attributes they each have.  I hope this continues to work on their hearts, but it sure did this morning.  Each child had a change of heart about the sibbling they have been fighting with.

What do you do to help your kids have a change of heart?  Or if you don't have kids what helps you step back from a negative situation and change your own heart? 

How One Recited Prayer has Made me a Better Mom.

My Synagogue does a liturgy each week consisting of several prayers recited together as a congregation in Hebrew and English.  When I first encountered this practice I thought of the vain repitions Yeshua warned against.  But I did feel directed to be there so I did it because I was there and it was what they do.  I continued to ponder about the teachings of Yeshua about prayer.  After a month or two of pondering I concluded that if I mean what I say every time I say it, it isn't vain repition.

One prayer in particular we call, "The Shamah" always stood out as being particularly important, maybe because we face East for it, maybe because kids could enter or leave during the other prayers but not this one, or maybe because it seemed more readily applicable to my life right now.  The prayer comes from Deuteronomy 6:4-9, and part of it says, "And you shall teach them diligently to your children, and speak of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you retire, and when you arise."  And in an effort to be sincere in my prayers and not use vain repetition, I would reflect on how well I'd lived this commandment to teach my children.  Most weeks we were in survival mode just getting through a week.  Breaking up fights, feeding, and puting to bed seemed to take all my time and energy.  I hardly did any teaching, if I did any at all.  I would commit to do better at teaching my children over the next coming week.  This went on for months week after week I'd do it all over again.  I'd pray the Shamah and realize I hadn't taught my children a thing and think I'd try to do better in the coming week.

All the while at church no one ever spoke in a condemning manner of me or my parenting or my kids.  They only spoke love and encouragment, while setting examples I could learn from.  There was never a guilt inducing tone in talks or comments.  After some time instead of vague commitments to teach my children I would think of a specific way I could fit in some teaching in the week, and I would make small improvments.  I thought of a scripture I thought would help teach my kids something they needed to learn, and we would recite it together and discuss it while driving to various destinations.

Now after a year of reciting this prayer every week I've helped my daughter memorize a scripture and we discussed what it means and how we apply it.  My boys didn't quite memorize it, but were familiar with it.  They all told this scripture to the our Rabbi after church last Friday.  On the way home during our conversation I came up with the next scripture I feel they should learn and apply, and  something I could do to add a method of teaching.  I wrote it out to put up on our wall so we could see it and learn while we sit in our house, as well as reciting in the car while we drive.  And I've seen changes in my children for the better, some is likely just natural maturing over growing one year older, but I am a better mother than I was a year ago.  And I can say the scriptures are being written in my heart and I am finally teaching them dilligently to my children, and seeing them start to be written in their hearts.  The Shamah has made me a better mother than I was a year ago by Yeshua's grace to strengthen my weaknesses.  Praise God!

What have you done to teach your children dilligently when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you retire, and when you arise?  Prehaps an exchange of ideas can help us all be more dilligent than we are now.