The internet is full of parenting advice. Mostly of what people think we should not do and with that comes a sence of shame if we every resorted to such a tactic in a desperate hour with our kids. This post will not be about any of that. What good does it do to know what not to do if we aren't given an alternative to do instead? This leads to undisciplined kids disrespecting adults.
I've seen it in my own kids. I've not known what to do so I tell them to stop doing the undesired behavior, but have no consequence to follow up with because all I can think of are things parenting gurus online say not to do. So this morning when the kids were fighting and yelling at each other I told them all to go outside. I figure out door voices belong outside and it makes for a good natural consequence. But it still didn't address the fighting. Then while they were getting shoes and coats I had my ah-ha! All this time I've really wanted to get to their hearts. None of the online advice or ideas has ever helped with this goal. My husband, when I have bemoaned this problem, has said they're just too young to get to their hearts yet.
Well today an idea occured to me. Praise God! Have them each say five things they love about the person they were fighting with. First this involved a lot of quiet thinking time. Then as each one went through the process of voicing and discussing things they love about their sibblings the whole atmosphere of our home changed. Their anger was gone and they started thinking of ways to show love to each other and ways they could serve each other. Especially doing things they just heard someone say they love about them. They heard and voiced what they each love about each other and were now focused on the positive attributes they each have. I hope this continues to work on their hearts, but it sure did this morning. Each child had a change of heart about the sibbling they have been fighting with.
What do you do to help your kids have a change of heart? Or if you don't have kids what helps you step back from a negative situation and change your own heart?
2 comments:
Thank you!! I completely relate to the frustration of advice given to NOT do things without giving practical alternatives. Another aspect I struggle with is seeing how a particular "opposite" alternative will work, but I'm starting to accept just TRYING "it" vs resisting and continuing to stew in my frustration just because my "logical/analytical brain" doesn't "get it". Love and positivity isn't necessarily "logical", as I'm learning...God's ways are not our (logical/analytical) ways :-p and it's beginning to be fun as my experimentations prove fruitful in a positive and productive manner.
I'm so glad! Sometimes we don't get it till we see it.
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